Just some food for pondering

Good morning.....or afternoon!
I have been browsing through a book a friend gave me and I found a little interesting thought...something to ponder.
The book is....Sister Freaks by Rebecca St James.
So instead of just putting the words here I turned it into a picture!
For those of us who are visual learners. :)

Going under the drill

Well the jury is in......and a root canal it is!
Now if I can just find that money tree that I brought from Louisiana......
It amazes me how easily a doctor can tell you......Yes,come on in and lets get this taken care of.
Makes one want to say...Oh, is this one on the house? Ha!
I could just jump on up on my soap box concerning the money output.....but we don't want to add a broken ankle to the list of injury as I fall off from all the pain pills.
It simply amazes me that the can look at my ex ray and say....Well, the tooth looks alright but it must be the problem. And since I know that I don't have Bells Palsy.....we will go with the only other idea......a tooth that is giving up the ghost.
So enough of my moaning and groaning....it will be over next Tuesday!
Thanks for the prayers.

A little loopy

I am almost afraid to post right now with the pain meds I am on.....although that is good because that does mean they are working. :)

I went to the dentist yesterday....and if you read my last post where I told you that the emergency medical doctor told me that they thought I had Bells Palsy.....the dentist told me that he did not think that could be true.
I don't have signs of paralysis in my face...just extreme pain in my right jaw......that not usually being a sign of Bells Palys.
I do have a tooth there that received a crown a few years ago...but I did not have to have a root canal done because it was not needed.
I figure that something happened to it and it is causing my whole jaw to hurt from the top of my jaw bone down to my middle to teeth on the bottom. Hope that makes sense.
Anyway they ran some ex rays and thought maybe the bone might look a little funny but could not be sure that the tooth was dying because I don't have all the symptoms.
So they are sending me to a specialists in Asheville tomorrow.
She has special equipment that will tell her for sure if it is my tooth....I think it is...but hey I am not specialist. I just know my mouth hurts like the dickens.
My brother is going to be kind enough to take me so that Keith does not have to take off of work......and I can say that he was also pretty excited to hear that my doctor is located right across the street from Fuddruckers (a great hamburger place).
I would be afraid to drive with my head in this condition....you should see all the typo's I am correcting so that you can read this. :)
So prayers would be appeciated. I am sure she will probably tell me I need a root canal....I hear that is way better than having to be treated for Bells Palys.
I'll take the root canal. Not sure what else it could be.....but we are on our way to finding out.
I will talk to ya'll a little later on when I can type without misspelling every other word.

Love ya~

Eight Things and an Award

8 Things
I haven't done a tag in awhile and my friend Michele decided she wanted to get to know me better so she tagged me with this fun tag.

Here's how to do this 8 THINGS thing:

Mention the person that tagged you.
Complete the lists of 8's.
Tag 8 of your wonderful bloggy friends.
Go tell them you tagged them!

8. Things I look forward to:
1. Spending a week with Mom and Dad in Texas in June
2. Seeing our new home
3. Seeing my son serving Jesus
4. Starting the ministry He brought us here for
5. The glory God is going to get when my GAL case comes to an end
6. Moving from size 16 to a loose 14...and then seeing the process continue!
7. Finishing the basket I started and doing another one
8. Looking back on our time in the camper :)

8. Things I did yesterday
1. Went to Ready Med because of the pain in my jaw
2. Found out they thought I was having problems with Bells Palsy (I don't think so)
3. Listened to someone tell me they liked the color of my hair..that made me feel good. :)
4. Made some changes to my header...love the little ants
5. Took plenty of pain meds and yucky steriods
6. Talked to a buddy on IM
7. Ate too much
8. Bought a little pot and planted basil in it. (yum!)

8. Things I wish I could do
1. Write the book that is in my head
2. Wear a size 12
3. See the hearts of the DSS workers I am working with blown over by the GLORY of God.
4. Touch the pain in the hearts of those I deal with and see God heal it.
5. Hear the audible voice of God tell me what our future holds.
6. See certain friends turn back to God
7. See what our future holds
8. See satan squashed for what he is doing to my GAL family

8. Shows I watch
1. Charles Stanley...In Touch
2. The Today Show
3. NCIS
4. Chuck...sometimes
5. Oprah if I think she is speaking of something I think I need to be aware of....like what she is teaching......it is a quick way to see where society is heading.
5. That is about it......I haven't been a big t.v watcher lately

Ya'll know I don't tag often....so if you want to do this I would love to come and read.
Don't forget to come back and tell me.

One more thing...while I was on break a sweet friend passed an award my way.
I promised to pass it on so this seems to be a good time to do it.

This little sweet award was given to me by Shirley of Ma Ma's Place. Thank you Shirley...I was touched!
Here is what is said about the recipients of this award.

“These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends.They are not interested in self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers.”

Deliver this award to a few bloggers

who must choose a few more bloggers

and include the message

I am going to pass this along to several of my girls............I think I got you all.

MelanieJoy at In View
Leslie at Do You Weary Like I Do
Denise at Oh Sew Good
Michele at Beelieve You Can
D at D's Health and Weight Loss Journey
Susan at Heart For God
Sharon at God's Child
Pam at Grey Like Snuffie
Rebecca at Organizational Determination
Mary at Mary's Blog On Life
Denise at Samaritan Woman
Melanie at Livin With Me
Sandi at Do You Ever Think About
Denise at Free To Be Me
Halfmoon Girl at Shore Stories
Winging It at The Bird House
Darlene at Everything To Me aka Puff's Pocket
Nicki at Three Girly Girls
Mary/Mariah at Mary's Treasured Memories
Connie at Little Red Hearts From God
Deb at Riding Free With Deb
Tammie Fay His Word Is Life To Me
Rhonda at Mimi's Toes
Holly at Crown Laid Down
Elaine at Peace For The Journey
Linda at Southern Sunflower
Mary at Mary's Writing Nook
Nise at Thus Far The Lord Has Helped Me

Whew! I think that about gets all of you!
Sorry I did not do the linking...but that was a little too many to try to link.
I will try to make it by to let you know this is here.....of course if you are reading this...you already know. :)

Love ya girl!
Truly I do.

A tisket a tasket

I made a basket!

My workout buddy has been involved in making baskets for awhile now..and she finally won when after asking me several times to join her....I did.
I followed her to the little hall where about 15 women had gathered to have a basket making class. I think I was probably the only woman there who had never done this before...you should have seen some of them go. One woman made two before I got half done. Elayne told me not to even look.....they were not in the same class level as us. DUH! :) Maybe one day.

There was a woman there who teaches basket weaving at a college in our area..I think or around close by...and she brought all kinds of kits for different baskets.
They were really too cute.
I am not really into baskets...but I have to admit that there were some really cool designs....all shapes and sizes.
The teacher helped me pick out something that would not be too hard and that I might be able to finish in class time.
Now I know I am not a professional at this..but they did say I did a great job for my first time.
It is not finished yet.
I have to turn the top and put on the trim..which they say should not take long. The problem...I don't know how..... so I will have to wait till I get back with Elayne to finish it.
We may have to have a basket weaving session after we work out on Monday....:)
The basket will also have to be sprayed to be sealed.

As I was getting ready to leave they drew for a door prize. The sweet lady said I could draw and as I was reaching into the basket one of the other ladies said I would probably draw my own name.
And guess what?
I did!!!!!
How cool is that?!?! I feel very blessed.
You can't see it but I won the kit for a small thin basket that hangs on the wall. They show it sprayed white but I like the look of the raw reed better. I think there is also some type of grape decoration to put on it.

So... I had a great day out in the country. Wish I had remembered to bring my camera. I'll try and catch a picture of Elayne soon so that you can meet the person who is trying to help me turn this body into a healthy body. Poor thing...she is trying. :)
I enjoyed the intro to basket weaving....it would be a fun hobby.....but goodness you have to be earthly rich to do it. ;)

Have a great weekend.....and remember you are the daughter of the KING!

Working it out

So how is your week going?
Wouldn't it be great to be able to sit face to face and just talk about life and what's going on? We could laugh and cry..and just generally share a little love.
We all need this. Someone who reminds us not to take ourselves and life so seriously. Someone who reminds us that hard times will not last forever.....eternity is coming!
Did you hear that?
Eternity is coming!
NO more tears, no more fears....no more pain!
NO MORE......we will meet Jesus face to face!
And if that did not make your pulse jump.....we need to pull out some spiritual paddles and give you heart a jump start!

I know He is here with me now and I don't have to wait till eternity...but sometimes I don't really carry that awareness with me...I don't own it. Know what I mean? I have often thought that if I could truly GET that He is here with me....the God of this universe loving me.... that it would knock me off my feet. I want to be knocked off my feet!
So a year or so ago I figured if I could see myself through His eyes....I might get it. How He always wants to be with me...and would never leave me.
Can you imagine looking at yourself through the eyes of Jesus?
You wouldn't see the yuck...because it is forgiven and He has chosen not to remember. So what would you see.....what would His thoughts be as He looks into your face?
I just figured if I could see that...know that.....it would change the way I thought about myself and how I treated others.
So I began to ask for Him to let me see myself through His eyes.
And really I left it there. I just figured when it happened my life would be changed.

Fast forward several months...maybe a year.
Keith heard something that really touched his heart.....it sunk deep, and He began to pray that God would teach him to love me as Christ loves the church.
I will say that at first I thought about this a little selfishly.
I would hear him pray and I would kind of have that feeling of .......YES! go get him God!
And don't tell me you haven't tried to give God that same instruction on certain occasions! :)
Sad...but it is kind of like a boomerang.....it comes back and gets you. Beware!
But eventually I did begin to see some changes......and I just thought....wow we are going through a really good phase...marriage is good!
And then after that thought...I waited for the other shoe to drop. And something would happen and I would think....Yes, this is reality-- it has returned!
Only unlike before.... something amazing was taking place in my husband......self would flex its muscle...things would be ugly....BUT then he began to apologize.
This had been my place for a long time. You know the peace maker who smooths things over...in order for all to be able to move on.
And then I began to see and hear things from him that were not normal. And honestly my first reaction was.....And, what do you want?!
And he would say, Nothing...just want you to know how much I love you and how blessed I am to have you in my life. (look of shock)
It was nice but it really made me feel a tad uncomfortable. I would have that feeling that someone was staring at me...and look over and see that it was Keith. He would have this silly grin on his face and this look of love in his eyes and it would just throw me for a loop.
I was just uncomfortable. I knew that my husband loved me..but this was something different.

I started to get a little uptight....I know crazy me!
A few weeks ago...while on break from blogging.....I went to work out with Elayne, just a tad aggravated with myself.
She could sense something was up so we began to talk. I am not really sure how it came out but I started talking about the changes I saw in Keith. I told her how it made me feel and how I couldn't believe the looks of love I saw on his face. I told her that it was so pure and sweet that I was having a hard time responding to it. (I know call me bizarre!)
It seemed to me that no matter what I did do or didn't do....he was just crazy about me.

I wish I could remember exactly what her words of response were..but this was the gist.

Have you ever thought that maybe God is using your husband to let you see what He thinks about you?

This was so out of the blue that it really surprised me. It had not even occurred to me.
Girl I can tell you even now that that just gets me. It hits me hard every time I think about it.
I told her at the time that I would think about that...hmmm, maybe it was true.
During the rest of the day I did think about it.
And God was faithful to remind me the prayers I had prayed.
It hit me hard. He had answered my prayers....and He had used my husband.
My husband was truly loving me like Christ loves the church.
It still gets me.

I went back to work out the next day and told Elayne what I had been praying for awhile.
I thanked her for being used by God to reveal to me that He had been speaking through my husband. What a blessing she has been in my life.

The next step was to sit down and tell my husband what had been happening.
He needed to know that God had been answering his prayers too.
It was a sweet conversation and he could verify that he had been amazed at the feelings that he had been feeling for me.

So. I guess I wanted to share this because I do know that there are others out there who need desperately to see themselves through God's eyes. And there are those of us who need to see our husbands loving us as Christ loves the church. Taking this in is still an on going process for me.
I would remind you that He wants to give us all of the above.
Start praying for that. But unlike me....start looking for the signs.
It took me awhile...but I got it.
Now I am praying that He will help me see what He sees in others.
Can you imagine how that will change our lives?
For me to look at the stranger on the street and realize the deep love Jesus has for her.....I do believe that will be life transforming.
I have my eyes open. :)
Thanks for listening!

Life in these mountains

Philippians 4:6-8 (Today's New International Version)

⁶ Do not be anxious about anything,

but in every situation,by prayer and petition,

with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷

And the peace of God,which transcends all understanding,

will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Good afternoon to you! I hope that your day has gone well and that you know today that you are loved. Because you know what....... you are! If no one has told you today that they love you...let me be the first.....I love you! :)

This is a little of the scenery from our weekend. I could have stayed here all day listening to the roar of the water flowing over the rocks. It was cool and so void of "earthly noises". There was such a peace in the air and in my heart.

Here was a bridge we stumbled upon. It was chained off..thank heavens...or my husband may have just decided to venture across it. Instead we took some time to get out and walk around.

I took the time of course to try and see the things that might be interesting to the eye. I am still learning how to use my camera....so to get a close up of these little things without them being blurry took a little effort. I just love this fern that has not yet..bloomed.

There was moss growing all over the place close to the river. This was taken really close up. From normal height it just looked like the rocks had a covering of shag carpet. Up close the covering looks like little pine trees.

Do you know those times you are so at peace and so content you just have to take a deep breath and sigh? For the most part this weekend was that type of time. Keith told us he remembered a fall in this area. So we parked on the side of the road and did just a little walking and found this beauty. It went way on up the mountain side but there were trees blocking the view yo most of it. So I captured what I could.

Keith and Julia ventured a little further out and managed to stay on the rock while I took the picture. If the water had still not been so cool I think someone might have gotten a little wet. :)

Now I would like to take a little break from the day and share some thoughts. If I had read this post a couple of years ago on someone elses blog...during the blackest of the season that we were going through... you might have heard something like this go through my mind----

Sure, who wouldn't be filled with peace when you are living there and your life is not filled with problems that seem to pile one on top of the other until you feel like you are drowning?

Just being honest here. But then God began to teach me...and is still teaching me....how to take the truth from the above verse and claim it and use it in my life. I would not say our life is perfect now...but there is peace..peace that guards my heart when I follow the directions He gave me to follow.

Julia and I had done a little shopping and Keith had decided to wait us out in the truck. ;) I had told him earlier that our 19 year old son(who does not live with us) had been on my mind all weekend. I had been praying for him and just lifting his life up to God. Keith decided to call him while I was in the store....it was not good news. Which he then decided to share with me....YUCK! Ever have news that hits you and you feel like you just took a load of bricks to the chest? That was me. Our son has had some problems following the Lord. He knows the right way and we just wonder when that truth is going to sink in. And even though he no longer lives with us......his life is tied to my heart.

Keith could tell as soon as he told me that he should have saved the news till later...emotionally I was sinking fast. There went the peace based on circumstances. And then I began to talk to God...it went something like this.

"HELP! When God When!?!? When will he get it? When will his life stop yanking my heart around? I need help....fast! I know it is not fair to make Keith and Julia suffer because of my emotions....I don't want to ruin their day...my day too. God I thank you that you are working in our sons life even if I don't see it with my earthly eyes. Thank you that you love him dearly and you are not going to give up on him. So I give you this yucky load....take this burden. I can't carry it."

And so for the next hour or so I silently handed it back over to God each time I felt my heart being crushed. Now I will tell you that in the past this process would have taken days or weeks. It would have been before my eyes and on my mind every waking minute. But God is faithful and He promises to keep working till the work He started is completed. And so in about two hours the weight was gone. The peace of God was again guarding my heart and mind. In Christ Jesus the burden was being carried by the one who was meant to carry it.

The rest of the weekend was sweet.

We rode through Cades Cove and saw this cute little creature checking us out from his hiding place. If you are ever in the area it is a very sweet place to drive through. We only saw a few dear that day but it is not unusual to see bears and wolves.

I would like to leave you with one thing from a book that I have been reading. It is a quote from Father Tim from the book, In This Mountain (the eighth in the series) by Jan Karon.

"I know the fifth chapter of First Thessalonians pretty well, yet it just hadn't occurred to me to actually take Him up on this notion. I've been too busy begging Him to lead me out of the valley and onto the mountaintop. After all, I have work to do, I have things to accomplish...alas, I am the White Rabbit everlastingly running down the hole like the rest of the common horde.

I want to tell you that I started thanking Him last night--this morning at two o'clock, to be precise--for something that grieves me deeply. And I'm committed to continue thanking Him in this hard thing, no matter how desperate it might become, and I'm going to begin looking for the good in it. Whether God caused it or permitted it, we can rest assured--there is great good in it.

Why have I decided to take these four words as a personal commission? Here's the entire eighteenth verse:

'In everything, give thanks....for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.'

His will concerning you. His will concerning me.

This thing which I've taken as a commission intrigues me. I want to see where it goes, where it leads. I pray you'll be called to do the same. And please, tell me where it leads you. Let me hear what happens when you respond to what I believe is a powerful and challenging, thought deceptively simple, command of God."

Me again-That just really hit me when I read it yesterday. So simple. Such a beautiful way of me remembering to reiterate my trust and love for my God. And if I could share one more thing. Beth Moore talk about the need for us to use the power that is available to us by hands up time. Of course the first impression or thought I had was that she was talking about raising our hands to praise God...there is great power in that. But what she went on to say was that there is great power brought into a situation when we raise our hands to give God what is on our hearts and in our lives.

So today I remind myself and you to get those hands in the air....and as they are on their way up lets not forget to thank Him for what is in those hands. His ways are perfect and mighty and His love is deep and rich.....He is worthy!

Blessed be God: Father, Son and Holy Spirit!

Sorry about the font in this post...blogger had a mind of its own.

Gone again!

Just kidding.........but I am going on an exploration.
Kieth does not have to work tomorrow so we are going to see what we have not seen.
?????????
What will we see?
I don't know
....I haven't been there yet!
But you shall see when I get back...yes, taking the camera.
I know...joy, joy!
So YOU have a mar.ve.lous weekend.
I shall return!

Oh.....and I love you girl.
(no that's not me..but doesn't it fit?)
Here is a little picture for thought.
--------
"I asked the Lord for a bunch of fresh flowers
but instead he gave me an ugly cactus with many thorns.
I asked the Lord for some beautiful butterflies
but instead he gave me
many ugly and dreadful worms.
I was threatened,
I was disappointed.
I mourned.
But after many days,
suddenly,
I saw the cactus bloom
with many beautiful flowers
and those worms
became beautiful butterflies
flying in the wind.
Gods way is the best way."

by Chung-Ming Kao.......written while in prison

Just a little errand

The alarm went off and she rolled to the side to silence the rude awakening.
Taking a moment before she rolled out of bed she looked to the window and realized it was going to be an overcast day. The perfect day for catching a few more winks. Her work out buddy was out of town so there was no rush to start the day.
Maybe she would come home after the school drop and go back to bed for an hour or so. She rarely did that...but the mood of the day seemed to warrant a little extra me time.

So with that on the schedule she skipped the making of coffee and got busy making breakfast. The morning went smoothly and before she knew it... it was time to do the school shuttle. Grabbing her coat to hide her sleep shirt she slid her feet into her crocks and was out the door.
The drop off at the front of the school took less than five minutes and soon she was headed back home to her warm bed.
Just as she was rounding the turn to home.... she heard the still small voice. She knew it well....and according to that still small voice...plans for the morning had changed.
Instead of a few more moments of sleep she was to grab a shower and get ready...... someone was going to need her today.
She figured maybe someone would come by and need her help....and so she sat on the couch doing some reading until mid afternoon-- waiting for the knock that never came.
Well maybe I got it wrong she thought..... so she grabbed her phone and purse and decided to get some errands run. She needed to find a Calligraphy set so that she could work on a birthday coming up.....she was not even sure where to begin looking. Living in a small town made such searches a little more time consuming. After trying two stores she decided to turn into a small store thinking that maybe they might have something left over from Christmas.

Pulling into the parking lot she noticed a man standing beside a car speaking to a woman....it just seemed a little odd. And so she was a little startled when as began to open her door she heard a tap on the window. Easing the door open she gave the man a questioning look. He quickly apologized but explained that he was in a bind and needed some money for gas. They had broken down and then once they got it fixed they did not have money to get gas to get them home to a town near by.
And at that moment..like a movie playing in her head she remember her devotionals from that morning. Jesus had been telling the people that if someone asked them for something they should lend freely without expecting it to be returned.
Smiling she reached into her purse and began to tell the man that just that morning she had been reading her devotions and had been told to give if asked. He laughed and mentioned that maybe she was sorry that she had read. At that she shook her head and said no she was not....... and that he might consider that if she had not read he might not be getting what he needed. He nodded in agreement and thanked her.
As she turned to walk off he called to her and asked her if her reading that morning had told her anything about being repaid.
Turning back around she smiled laughing a little....and with love on her face she let him know that yes it had addressed that issue too. And as a matter of fact it had told her not to worry about being repaid. She felt a powerful heat come over her body as she pointed to the sky and looking the man square in the face told him not to forget that God loved him dearly.
--------
Her heart was so much lighter as she ran the rest of her errands. Finding all she needed she headed back toward the school to pick up her daughter.
Arriving a little early she sat in line and thought about her day.
She prayed for the man to truly understand that God had met him there that day. She hoped that he would see the events of the day as a set up by God. And that he would know God saw his need before it happened and had sent someone to help him out.
And then it hit her......she just had to laugh......."someone was going to need her today"!
It had happened!
God had gotten her to the right place at the right time.
And He had even had the person knock on her door...just not the one she had imagined.
Shaking her head she felt a little giddy.....how awesome was her God!
And with that she began to thank Him that He truly did speak to His sheep.
And not only that.... that He would use His sheep to make contact with sheep that still needed to come into the fold.

She was so glad she had not gone back to bed!

In the beginning was fear......

Goodness!
How do you wrap up a lesson that has been in the teaching stage for several years.....and in a simple blog post? Knowing me...I am not sure that is possible. But I shall try.
The last few months in my life have been a huge teaching season. And it would have probably been best for me to have kept my mouth shut here while He was speaking....but it is o.k because He promised to work all things out in conformity with the purpose of His will.(Eph 1:11)
So I think it was important for you to see the struggle I was going through.
If you were perceptive...I was miserable.
I was reminded today in my reading that sometimes our spiritual eyes can be closed...and because of that we don't walk around under the influence of the hope to which He has called us. That was me!
Does that make sense?
Proverbs 13:12
Hope deferred makes the heart sick......
So we could say I have been sick.....and yes, I felt like it.
Pretty depressing don't ya think?
But what I held on to during this time was the fact that He PROMISED not to stop working on what He began working on(me).....till the Day of Christ Jesus.
And we all know that has not happened yet.
So all of us who are Christians are not without hope-it is a fact that-- He is still working on us.....Praise God He is not finished!

This could get really long....so if I need to stop.. I will just pick up where I left off at another time.

As a young child I had huge fears in my life.
And since my Mom often reads this I want her to know that God allowed this because the end result would be for the greater glory.
So Mom.....no need to feel guilty.....I knew I was loved and you and Dad did a good job with me. :)
From my earliest memories my mind was held by a lot of fear.Fear of not knowing what would happen, fear of someone hurting me, fear of not having enough money, fear of going to bed and having nightmares(I had night terrors).
Really the list was endless.
As I got older insecurities in my relationships with people began to surface...more fears.
I think we can safely say that fear ruled my life. :)
Some of those fears became so huge in my life that I almost could not stay by myself at night. Keith worked a job at night for awhile and when he got up at 2:30 to go to work...I would get up and stay up till the sun came up. And so you can imagine as a Mom with a young child...I was a mess. I was a believer....but God and I had not arrived at the place yet where I knew that I need to be freed. There was no real relationship.
I viewed that fear as more of a sin...I was letting Him down once again....and not as something that was a sin but that He loved me so dearly He would walk to the cross to be able to set me free. Phew..that was a mouth full.
Yes, I knew I no longer wanted to be so afraid.....but I could not see that He was the only one who could set me free.I guess you could say I was a pretty miserable person on the inside.
But you should know that I was trying to do what I knew to be right. And so I tried so hard not to be afraid...not to give into fear.

Then one day the teaching began......it started when I told God I wanted to know Him.
That took place over 10 years ago.......it has been a VERY bumpy ride since then.
He gave me a huge appetite for studying His word.....I really loved it. I took in so much information.....and the seeds were planted. But what I did not know...or consider....is that once you "have" the material.......then comes the teaching time.
You have to learn to walk it out before it becomes "yours".
So I learned...."fear not".......and God actually taught me how to deflect and not absorb the fear that would come when I was alone at night. It took awhile.....but I "got it". Now I can stay by myself and sleep peacefully. If you had told me that years ago I would have probably never believed it.
But like a weed rooted deep by spring rains.....the roots of fear were wide spread in my life.
Things like...
would we have enough money...would Keith have work.....would I be homeless......would people take me as I was.....would they accept that it was o.k for me as a woman to teach......would God just leave me where I was because I never seemed to get it?
On and on the list ran.
But what finally began to occur to me in bits and pieces was that my
trust/faith in Him.....it was conditional.
I trust You God if......you answer my prayers the way I think they should be answered.
I trust You if....we have money to pay our bills
...if no one gets sick as unto death
.....if, if, if
But at the time I did not even realize it...I was just a babe.
Kind of like the small child learning to ride a two wheel bike......pretty brave as long as the parent is running alongside holding on.
I even got to the point where I was thanking Him for the opposite of all the bad things I could imagine. Sad...but it was kind of like a lucky charm.
Kind of a warped view of "in all things give thanks". :)
Then one day God began to show me the limitations of my faith...faith that was being limited by a lack of knowing of His love. I read just the other day that fear is a lack of love--perfect love casts out fear. So it was not that I was not loved......I just did not know in the way I should the source of the love that was being given to me freely.
A few months ago I began hearing over and over again in my spirit--BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD. It was so hard...because I felt like I needed to have it all figure out. Or I was going to miss His voice or something I should be doing and life would be ruined.
Sometimes I would just have to tell my mind to (excuse me here)... SHUT UP!
And yes...sometimes I would get offended at myself. Ha! :)
During the Esther study Beth Moore reiterated what God was trying to teach me.
God is not going to approve the conditional faith in His children.
And there is no room in my life with Him for...ifs, ands or buts.
And so we were finally at the spot...either believe what He says...Perfect love casts out fear....or just stay locked behind bars. (We know He would not have left me there if I did not want it-but don't we sometimes think it would be just easier to stay than to have to go through the change?) Did I believe that He loved me enough to carry me through the raging flood in whatever disguise it might come?
I knew from what I had learned that that answer for me was......YES!
And turning to look God in the face I was finally able to say......I trust YOU.
I trust You enough to let go of the fear. I trust that even if I have to go "there" you will be with me. And that You are bigger and more powerful than anything in this world that might come against me.....and you will set its limit and what it can do to your child.
I will give you the......
Fear that I might be homeless......that my husband might find someone he likes more than me...that maybe I might miss your voice and mess up....that my children might not choose the path we have...fear that He would let me crash and burn...fear that I would have to go through it alone.....and on and on.....

So I think you get where I am going here. Walking in love is so much easier than walking in fear.
And you know what? The peace and contentment....oh my goodness!!!!
I can honestly say that I have never been here before.It is a security that I have never experienced. Life on The ROCK. It is a place I stay when I choose to trust.
As hard as it may be to believe
this is a very abbreviated version of what I have been through to get where I am today.
But I want you to know that I have learned......everything and everyone in our lives can be used by God to set us free. There is not a cave deep or dark enough to hide us from the love of God. He is patient and persistent..........He will make a way where there seems none.

Will I find later that there are other fears in my life that I have not recognized yet?
Yes.....because Perfection has not yet come....He is still working on this master piece. Will old fears trying and regain their stronghold? They already have.....but greater is He who is in me than he who is in the world.
I am going to stop here for now...I think you have had enough. :)
But I shall return!
Thanks for listening....but you are good that way-aren't you?

Beautiful Sunday

Then I heard what sounded like a great multitude,
like the roar of rushing waters and like loud peals of thunder, shouting:
"Hallelujah!
For our Lord God Almighty reigns

Revelation 19:6. NIV

Hello to you!
I pray that this days dawning has awakened hope in your heart!
We serve a living God that is just crazy about us.....and He is coming back for us!
What more could we hope for?
I don't know about you- but yesterday church was so sweet. Before the service began I prayed that God would sink some truths way deep down into the marrow of my bones....bringing health....deeper spiritual health.
And I have to admit that the praise and music just made me cry...the presence of the Lord was so tangible.
That does not happen to me often...and when it does....\o/!
So we had an awesome service(yes, the Lord spoke gently to my heart)
and then we headed out to my brothers (my brother and his family)
to change clothes and drive about 30 minutes away to an are called Big Creek. The day was beautiful and cool so we packed a picnic and planned to get some hiking in.Our hike ran along a river that was really up because of all the rain we have had...our area has really needed it.Now ya'll know how nature gets me. I look at the little wild flowers growing along the path at it just screams to me of Gods love. What creativity.....and so often these little spots of beauty are not even seen by the human eye......and yet He plants them. Hmmm....planted by the hand of God...how awesome is that thought!So I am not going take up a lot of your time....today. There is so much I want to talk to you about...but it will have to wait till later. Keith is off today and we are going to hunt through our storage unit for some tools and some china. Fun, fun...and may the rain hold off!
But.... be sure of this......I will be back to talk...my heart is so full.
God is good!
Yes, all the time.....God is good!
Here are a few more pictures from our hike yesterday.....I wish I could include sound!

Resurrection and LIFE for me!

LOVE WON!

We won!

Have A Wonderful Resurrection Sunday!

Born of the Spirit with life from above into God's family divine,
Justified fully thru Calvary's love, O what a standing is mine!
And the transaction so quickly was made, when as a sinner I came,
Took of the offer, of grace He did proffer, He saved me, O praise His dear name!

Heaven came down and glory filled my soul...
when at the cross my savior made me whole...
my sins were washed away....and my night was turned to day....
heaven came down and glory filled my soul!

John W. Peterson 1961
Heaven Came Down