Thursday, April 23, 2009

Working it out

So how is your week going?
Wouldn't it be great to be able to sit face to face and just talk about life and what's going on? We could laugh and cry..and just generally share a little love.
We all need this. Someone who reminds us not to take ourselves and life so seriously. Someone who reminds us that hard times will not last forever.....eternity is coming!
Did you hear that?
Eternity is coming!
NO more tears, no more more pain!
NO MORE......we will meet Jesus face to face!
And if that did not make your pulse jump.....we need to pull out some spiritual paddles and give you heart a jump start!

I know He is here with me now and I don't have to wait till eternity...but sometimes I don't really carry that awareness with me...I don't own it. Know what I mean? I have often thought that if I could truly GET that He is here with me....the God of this universe loving me.... that it would knock me off my feet. I want to be knocked off my feet!
So a year or so ago I figured if I could see myself through His eyes....I might get it. How He always wants to be with me...and would never leave me.
Can you imagine looking at yourself through the eyes of Jesus?
You wouldn't see the yuck...because it is forgiven and He has chosen not to remember. So what would you see.....what would His thoughts be as He looks into your face?
I just figured if I could see that...know would change the way I thought about myself and how I treated others.
So I began to ask for Him to let me see myself through His eyes.
And really I left it there. I just figured when it happened my life would be changed.

Fast forward several months...maybe a year.
Keith heard something that really touched his sunk deep, and He began to pray that God would teach him to love me as Christ loves the church.
I will say that at first I thought about this a little selfishly.
I would hear him pray and I would kind of have that feeling of .......YES! go get him God!
And don't tell me you haven't tried to give God that same instruction on certain occasions! :)
Sad...but it is kind of like a comes back and gets you. Beware!
But eventually I did begin to see some changes......and I just we are going through a really good phase...marriage is good!
And then after that thought...I waited for the other shoe to drop. And something would happen and I would think....Yes, this is reality-- it has returned!
Only unlike before.... something amazing was taking place in my husband......self would flex its muscle...things would be ugly....BUT then he began to apologize.
This had been my place for a long time. You know the peace maker who smooths things order for all to be able to move on.
And then I began to see and hear things from him that were not normal. And honestly my first reaction was.....And, what do you want?!
And he would say, Nothing...just want you to know how much I love you and how blessed I am to have you in my life. (look of shock)
It was nice but it really made me feel a tad uncomfortable. I would have that feeling that someone was staring at me...and look over and see that it was Keith. He would have this silly grin on his face and this look of love in his eyes and it would just throw me for a loop.
I was just uncomfortable. I knew that my husband loved me..but this was something different.

I started to get a little uptight....I know crazy me!
A few weeks ago...while on break from blogging.....I went to work out with Elayne, just a tad aggravated with myself.
She could sense something was up so we began to talk. I am not really sure how it came out but I started talking about the changes I saw in Keith. I told her how it made me feel and how I couldn't believe the looks of love I saw on his face. I told her that it was so pure and sweet that I was having a hard time responding to it. (I know call me bizarre!)
It seemed to me that no matter what I did do or didn't do....he was just crazy about me.

I wish I could remember exactly what her words of response were..but this was the gist.

Have you ever thought that maybe God is using your husband to let you see what He thinks about you?

This was so out of the blue that it really surprised me. It had not even occurred to me.
Girl I can tell you even now that that just gets me. It hits me hard every time I think about it.
I told her at the time that I would think about that...hmmm, maybe it was true.
During the rest of the day I did think about it.
And God was faithful to remind me the prayers I had prayed.
It hit me hard. He had answered my prayers....and He had used my husband.
My husband was truly loving me like Christ loves the church.
It still gets me.

I went back to work out the next day and told Elayne what I had been praying for awhile.
I thanked her for being used by God to reveal to me that He had been speaking through my husband. What a blessing she has been in my life.

The next step was to sit down and tell my husband what had been happening.
He needed to know that God had been answering his prayers too.
It was a sweet conversation and he could verify that he had been amazed at the feelings that he had been feeling for me.

So. I guess I wanted to share this because I do know that there are others out there who need desperately to see themselves through God's eyes. And there are those of us who need to see our husbands loving us as Christ loves the church. Taking this in is still an on going process for me.
I would remind you that He wants to give us all of the above.
Start praying for that. But unlike me....start looking for the signs.
It took me awhile...but I got it.
Now I am praying that He will help me see what He sees in others.
Can you imagine how that will change our lives?
For me to look at the stranger on the street and realize the deep love Jesus has for her.....I do believe that will be life transforming.
I have my eyes open. :)
Thanks for listening!


grey like snuffie said...

WONDERFUL...this is what I'm praying now...see myself through His eyes. After the Esther study I have this stirring sense deep inside that I need TONS of stuff He spoke to me to be pulled together. I need clarity on what it all means and zero in on that's will happen. It just felt like so much is spinning around...that was a great study. And I'm not sure I would want to do it with a group that has no discussion time, no group dynamics...that was kind of hard. BUT God took me to that group so I will choose to believe that He will make sense of it all even though I don't have others to interact with...after all He is the BEST ONE to converse with about life. :o) I will have to come back and read through this again.

"I have my spirit open LORD...I'm ready to finish working through what You have begun"

Denise said...

Oh ........ You said one thing that broke my heart! I am sitting here after being up all night.... Turmoil in my life has reached fever pitch. My diet is not doing so good as I am an emotional eater, and my emotions are out of control and my physical is out of control, and it is a sign that my spirit is sick....... I feel old and fat and tired and worn down to a blubbering old woman that life has just slapped around! Now ... I am fixing to get up and get busy as I am way behind in my shop, and I just do not want to do the jobs that I must do...... BUT I stopped in my blog to see who had posted and there you were! AND you said......

"Have you ever thought that maybe God is using your husband to let you see what He thinks about you?

Oh my gosh..... sitting here with my hair not yet combed, no make up frumpy old pj's drinking second cup of coffee, and my sweet DH just hugged my neck and told me he loved me very much and things will be ok......... OH MY GOSH..... your words have made me cry and your words have moved my spirit man to rejoice in the fact that HE loves me JUST AS I AM.........

luvmy4sons said...

Awesome! Just so awesome! What an awesome God we serve! Thank you for taking the time to witness to this. He answers our prayers exceedingly, abundantly, more than we ask or imgaine. Look what He did for your marriage and for your hubby all while answering your other prayer. And now He will touch others with your testimony of it! I think so many of us are hampered and held back by self doubt and self loathing and we forget that it is the enemy alone who is the accuser of the brethren and somehow we think that if we see ourselves rightly as God sees us we will be conceited and proud, but NO! We will be free to be all God wants us to be becasue we know that it is all because of Him and His blood shed and we are free indeed of the chains of sin and free to love as He loves! Oh, look what you have done! (: Awesome post! My mind is whirling now! Good stuff! Hugs to you!

MJ said...

Wow! left me speechless...which is pretty hard to do!

Great post!

Holly said...

How very beautiful. Very.

Jesus looks good on you and Keith, my friend. Yes, He does!

MelanieJoy said...

Hi. Well, me and a few others are glad you decided to post a long post ;)'s still a bit early here for the mosquitoes to be out goes one of those conversation...
As a matter a fact it was one of those late mosqito afternoons that we talked about this...if my memory serves me correct. Even though I agreed at this thought...I don't it didn't hit me until I read it now.
You have my thoughts going here...
I long to see this He sees and loves me. Haha now I'm not sure He will go about this by using a person. I see how He is providing for me now but to see me through His
How cool that He answered by combining your prayer with Keith's!
Love ya Girl! I hope this makes sense.

Sandi said...

Wow something to really think about. God using hubby to help me see myself.

Denise said...

A beautiful, powerful, much needed word sis. I love you.