Monday, April 18, 2016
Hello sweet Lady,
How are you? (Feel free to comment. I would love to pray for you.)
These past few days I find that I am reminded constantly of my decision to turn things over to Him. Rolling the weight of things over to His shoulders is not an easy thing for me. I am a planner by nature. And in our day and time, we want things fixed quickly. This often has caused me a great deal of stress.
Recently my husband lost his job. I was stunned. We have been down this road, a road I never wanted to visit again. I do believe now that it was for his protection. But at the time, I just wanted to think that we had done what we were called to do and this was not fair. And as in the past, my mind went into overdrive. What could I do to fix this?
After so many years of walking through hurts and disappointments, my relationship with God had become one of great reserve. For years, in abandon, I had thrown up my hands in worship and let Him know that whatever He wanted....I wanted. It would be a glorious road, right? To my eyes, it was not. It was filled with hardship and pain. Eventually, I just shut down. I thought it was an avenue that would protect me. This road sent me into a very deep depression. Loneliness became my constant companion.
The hand of the enemy was heavy in my life.
In recent years, there were times of trying. Trying to figure out how to get free. Would I ever be able to feel like I could breathe? Never believe that God can not use the dark times for His glory. Like Jonah, He was bringing me to the end of my own self-reliance.
Today I am practicing putting the other end of the yolk on His shoulders. I have been trying to drag the weight by myself. I do think that part of placing the yolk on His shoulders involves letting others know what you are going through. Humbly letting others know that you have not arrived and then letting them speak into your life. Why do we feel we must have it all together before we let others know of our struggles? I am not perfect and I do not have it all together. Don't get me wrong, I have learned so much in my years of walking with God. But, I need others.
We have been trying to sell our tractor for years. I know God knows this would wipe out our debt. Oh to be debt free! Last week I listed the tractor for sale once again. We received several interested responses. Inside I was bursting! Freedom! And then a snag reared its ugly head. We can not find the title to the trailer. This sometimes happens when you have moved six times since you purchased said
trailer. Into a tailspin of figuring and planning I went. I looked through boxes till there were no more. My head was beginning to hurt and my jaw was hurting. I was exhausted and mad.
This morning I began the day with fresh mercies. After a call from a sweet friend, I began the process of placing the other end of the yolk back on His shoulder. Every time the mind frenzy began, He reminded me of the choice I had. Yes, LORD, your way is best and beneficial to my heart and mental health. Taking every thought captive brings peace.
So, today, I choose to walk in the security that He is in control. He knows the plans that He has for us and I choose to abandon my future to Him today.....one thought at a time.
You are loved, girl! Has anyone told you that today? You are. Just as you are, you are loved!
Talk to you later!