Wednesday, January 27, 2010

The End pt 3......until the next lesson begins :)

Several years ago I did a study by Kay Arthur on the names of God.
It really opened my eyes to things about God that I didn't know.
I mean we all know that when you hear a name...that that name entails much more than just this human body.
Goodness, I hope that made sense.
When you hear my name you may think of the fact that I am a mother, a daughter, that I was a cook,etc. And some of you who know me better may think of character traits when you think of me.
Why would God be any different?
In the last post I talked about my journey in getting to know God as my Abba Father and as Jehovah-Rophe, the God who heals.
Here is the most recent lesson from my heavenly Father. 
From somewhere in my childhood a fear developed concerning finances and provision. Part of the reason I went into the restaurant business was because we had no money and I was so afraid of being homeless.
You know the scripture where God says not to let the enemy get a foothold?
He has had his hand on my throat since I was a very little girl. Fear was the tool he used to control me.
There were so many times where God provided a home for us, jobs for me and my husband.....and more recently provided for us financially when He sold our property back in 2008.
And yet the fear still had a huge grip on my life.
And this was the year He decided I should really get to know Him as Jehovah-Jireh----the Lord my provider.
I do understand that not everyone has fear in this area.
Maybe it came from limited funds when I was growing up....although we always had a home and food to eat.
Maybe it was because little ears heard things and misunderstood them.....but I have a feeling that that fear just spread its roots and touched any area of my life that it could.
I could talk for quite awhile about how that fear spread to such a point that in my mid teens I could not stand to be alone at night. This fear lasted into my mid thirties....when perfect love and obedience finally cast that fear to the road. :) Thank you Jesus!
So.....God had provided so much.....why could I not trust that He would provide for us?
I had seen it done before.....Keith would need more construction work for his company and we would pray and the work would come in. It happened to many times to count....and yet the fear continued.
You see I know now that in my mind there was always something in my mind that I could fall back on should God not come through.
We had a house that was ours and we didn't owe anything on I wouldn't be homeless.
(That home had to be torn down shortly after Katrina)
Then God allowed us to sell our property at a great price.....we had plenty in the bank.
(We moved here and Keith could not find a job and before we knew it the money was gone)
Well, if Keith could not get a job I could....goodness any restaurant would be thrilled to get someone with my experience. (I have turned in so many applications and yet no one has hired me)
On and on I could go.......but
finally there were no more crutches.....He had removed everything.
And like a child who has gotten lost.....I cried and emotional pain was right close to the surface all the time.
And like a child who has had their blankie taken away.....I got mad! Stompin mad!
How dare God take away all my could He do that to me.
Didn't He remember that as women our greatest need is security?
But like anyone who's arms are so full they can't hold anything else......He had to remove what was in my hands so that I would have room to wrap my arms around Jehovah-Jireh.
I know that you could probably tell from my scattered posting and then the heavy nature of my posting that there were some serious things going on.
The battle for surrender was on!
I was so angry that I didn't want that touching anyone. And I could have given in and embraced God...but I let that anger turn to depression. I am sure you know that the clinical definition of depression is-- anger turned inward. I remember standing out by the creek looking up into the night sky....all they while screaming on the inside at this God that promised to be our provider. Where was He? Why was He not honoring our faith and our giving from the past? How could He brings us here and just leave us?
Didn't He know it was His name on the line?
On and on it went till I just wanted to die.
Then a few sweet friends....that I have never met face to face....they began to remind me what I already knew as truth. BUT....I knew those truths ....only they had not yet made the shift to wisdom.
I felt something start to stir....and God who had seemingly been quiet for so long.....He began to speak.
Those prayers were working.

The first message? When I am ready to release you from this prison I will...remember Joseph?
When I think about that whole prison scenario now.....I see that I was literally locked away in a prison of fear. The key had been put in the lock long ago.....and yet I sat huddled in a dark corner.
And finally....that little spark....because of all those people praying. Something changed in me as I decided to open my mouth and claim Him as my only hope. I actually told a woman in our camp ground that I would be lost if it were not for Him.....and no, we were not talking about salvation at the time. :)
That little spark?
Well, it burst into a bright blazing fire as God revealed Himself and the plans that He had been orchestrating.
I just found out that Sunday before last that while we were hearing that a group wanted to pay our rent....there was a sweet young lady pouring her heart out to God on our behalf.
And did you know that God had already provided for our finances back during the first half of the year when God allowed Keith to get in just enough work to get us a tax refund?
He had been working on our behalf for a whole year as we had been working for Him up on the mountain.
He had already provided before we got to the end of our money and started praying.
And do you know that the other source of money was actually provided well over 15 years ago?
I won't go into that story because it is really long.
None of these past few things would have been
available without our God PROVING that He ALONE would be our provider.
I can not tell you the break that took place in my heart when I began to see what He had been working on..........for years..........He is not a liar.
He is Jehovah-Jireh!

That little girl that had been locked away for so long stood slowly to her feet as the door opened and a bright light penetrated the cell. At first she could not see anything but the outline of a rather large man.
But when she heard the voice that called her by name......she flung herself in His direction.
Wrapping her arms around His waist tears of joy flowed freely.....and as He whispered words of love healing and comfort came.

Do you know Him as your provider?
Do you know that He is capable and more than willing to provide anything you need?
There is but one catch.......He will not stand by silent and allow you to become more attached to the supply than the Supplier.
Are you locked away in a jail of the enemies making?
If you belong to God there is a key already in the door of the jail cell.
Call to Him and He will come running.....He loves you so....and it was for freedom that He set us free.

Goodness how I love you guys.....let's walk in freedom! 


A Joyful Chaos said...

Simply beautiful post! I really needed it this morning. Thank you SO much for sharing!

grey like snuffie said...

Wonderful testimony...I think the fear in me is because I love the supply more than the Supplier..hit the nail on the head...I've known that for a while....trusting He will deliver me from that...good to hear His work in your life. "give us our daily bread" really does become about trusting Him for today...that is all we can know. My favorite part is how He was working behind the scenes LONG before you had the need to meet it through other sources. Beyond what we can imagine....SO COOL. He is a jealous God when it comes to Him first. :o) We are just slow sometimes recognizing what comes before Him...hmmmmm, lots to ponder on today. HUG to you...

Karen in NZ said...

Sharon, these are all so powerful. I have been reading through (got to read Part 3 yet) and I really believe that there is an anointing on your testimony, that as you share it, God will do a mighty work in the lives of others.

I went to bed thinking about it and I've woken up thinking about it.

Thanks for sharing your heart.

And they overcame him by the word of their testimony!

Denise said...

Keep on walking precious sis, love you.

Winging It said...

I have to come back for a better comment..but wanted to say how grateful I am to be able to rejoice with you as you celebrate this new heart knowledge...So happy and grateful to know I am (Thanks be to God) able to be outside the prison WITH you! Giving praise to His matchless Name!

More later...just got off work a bit ago and need my shower! ;)

love and joy!

MelanieJoy said...

Thank you for sharing your heart and life...EVERYtime I read a post or we talk I come away being remind too trust my loving fathful Father. There is nothing like walking through a blinding storm to come out on the otherside with such awe and overwhelming joy!!! I will repeat something I've already said...but it is such a honor and privilage to walk this side of life with you! I'm enjoying standing in the Son right now with you! Much love, M

Crystal said...

I ordered this book by Kay & it just arrived the day before yesterday. It already looked interesting & now I really can't wait to dive into it. Is there a way I can follow you or do you not have that turned on? I'll just bookmark your site. I love it!


Halfmoon Girl said...

wow. You have given me some things to think about here- i can be very self reliant and come up with Plan A, Plan B, etc. I, too, am learning that the best way is to empty my hands and hold them out to the Lord. It is much better when I surrender my securities rather than having to have them pried out of my hands! May God continue to richly bless you as you walk this through with Him!
Love you Sharon!