Love you girl!

Tonight I started the Beth Moore study.... Esther. Do you know I started blogging because I couldn't comment on her blog without having a blog...or so I thought.
Esther has always been one of my favorite stories in the Bible.....yes, I think it has something to do with the fact that the main character is a female and she saves a nation.
If she was here today
we would give her a high five and say, YOU GO GIRL! :)

It was really so odd walking into that room tonight- a room of women none of which I really knew other than a few by name. It is the first time that I will take a whole study of Beth's without being the facilitator.....which in our old women's group meant that I was the one who did all of the work book and was ready to present it. :)

It was a great evening and I know I am where I am supposed to be. I am so looking forward to opening my book tomorrow morning.
It has been a long time since the days of spending three hours in the word
just because I wanted to.
My cup of coffee, my Bible, my notebook and pen...there was nothing like it.
For years it was really all I did (it was my life)......and then things started happening.
It did not happen over night....but three hours became two and two down to the 45 minutes for my study material and then time for Mr Chambers.
During the really dark months....there was nothing. I felt I was being crushed by life.
Some of you walked with me through those times. Thank you!

Beth talked tonight about the dark night of the soul... and not long after I started blogging I entered the darkest period of my life. That period would last almost two years.
Two years of wondering why my life had been flipped upside down. Wondering what happened to the dreams and visions that God had given me. Times when I wondered what was so horribly wrong with me that people in my life seemed bent on trying to destroy me.
It was and has been a season of....... WHY?

And then God brought us here and things began clearing. I began to understand that God had allowed me to go to a place where experience would make knowledge- truth in my life.
He would show me that there were things ruling my life that needed to be weeded out and burned.
In the last two months I have felt the drawing again. \o/
The raw pain is not screaming in my face everyday.
And I miss Him.
I look toward the heavens and I want to stand in His presence again.
I want to communicate with Him the way I have.

Does this mean that I have not been doing anything? No. But it has been so dry. I want to look at what He has been doing all this time with understanding. I hope He will grant me that.
I know that there is never a point in our life where we are getting slapped around..... without His permission....if we wear His name. And like Job....He never allows it just because.
But if you don't wear His name --you are not under the same type of protection.
But you can remedy that really quick.....I'd be glad to tell you how.


So all the above is to say that I have been feeling for awhile that He has been calling me.
Calling me to sit at His feet again.
I knew what that calling would mean to my time here. And I ran from what He was saying.
I have taken my time here very seriously. I have learned to love some of you deeply.
Really... what an honor to meet you this side of heaven.
I have prayed for you during the dark hours of the night.....and I have cried over the details of your lives and rejoiced when we saw God move and miraculous things happen.
How could God ask me to leave this? Ya'll are my heart.

But for now I must follow what I feel He is saying. And I feel He is saying that for now............while I am doing this study............. I am to be silent here on my blog.
I will be out and about checking on you and I will be praying for you......you really are precious to me. How could I help but love you......you are part of Him. There are some of you that I have been with almost since I started over two years ago......I consider you dear sisters. And there are some of you that I have known only a short amount of time and you have slipped into my heart too. His blood does amazing things.
So know I am here.
If you need me-any of you ........you have my email.

God has a plan......and I am to make sure that I am seeking His face.
He is working and when those plans are made sight I want all of those who have been praying for our future to see what your prayers helped bring to reality.
It is going to happen!

I love you....and you can take that to the bank!

I'll come back some time around or after Easter....that is when our study will be over.
And we will see what God says then about my blog.

Till then....Go With Jesus!

Just so you know

Now I will probably loose some of you here but it is in my head so I am going to go there.
When my son was little we watched a cartoon called Duck Tales. It was about Donald Duck and the three little guys who were his nephews . Do you remember their names?
One day Donald found a harp that was magic and it could tell if someone was telling the turth.
The first 30 seconds of this video will show you what I am talking about.

And for years after wards I would have loved to have been able to say,......You a re fibbing, fibbing,fibbing!......to some people I have known. Although had I done that it probably would have confirmed the ideas they already had about me. :)
And so without further to do so you will know that I am not fibbing, fibbing, fibbing about all this exercising I have been doing...here are those pictures I talked about yesterday.
I said that I was going to get some pictures of my work out area and friend....but Elayne preferred not to be photographed without her makeup. I decided to honor her wishes. I was going to get a picture of her from behind while she was lifting weights (she said I could)--- but just about that time the batteries went out.
She figured it was probably just God protecting her and sparing you. :)
So today you just get pictures of equipment and me.
Joy, Joy! :)

When I got there Elayne had to check something out upstairs and so I went on down to turn on the lights and this is what I saw. Just so you know she has not gotten to work out with me the last two days because she was babysitting her grand-kids...... and that has made her a tad antsy. So I gave her permission ;) to work us out really hard today.
Then when I walked in and saw this new device, I thought...Oh my goodness!
I figured it was some type of torture device in disguise.
And I would find out later...it was! :)
Below is usually where I get started. If we are just doing a day of aerobics we will do 15 minutes on each of these machines. I start on the bike and Elayne starts on the elliptical.
And generally we talk until I no longer can. ;)
The machine on the far left is the one I am on in the last shot. I don't know the names of most of these....but I do know the pain they can inflict. LOL
Below is another portion of the room. See that blue blob leaning up against the wall.....it can cause major pain to stomach muscles...and yes, that is a good thing.
On the wall (hanging up) to the far left, is a device that helps me do stomach crunches without killing my neck. The other torture devices found there--- I have not had the pleasure of being introduced to yet. Oh the anticipation!
The machine in the center is the one I use when we are both working out on benches. So picture me with my hands behind me on the bench while lowering my patoot to the floor..well almost to the floor and back up again. There are many other divine things that can be done on this bench which often cause me to say, Good gooo-ba-ly goo! or maybe..... jeesem petes!
And here is the picture of me, I promised you.
Does the picture look a little strange to you?
Yes? Hmmmm, I wonder what is wrong?

Well surely you did not expect me to put a picture here that you could clearly see.
:)
Let's wait until the scale starts moving a tad.
And since I am seeing my body change...but not the scale...Elayne has asked me to start writing down all I eat. Yikes! I am in trouble now!
But really, that is fine because summer is fast approaching and I want the things that I wore this past summer to be to big for me when I pull them out.
But not to worry....there are other things stored that I will be able to wear... for awhile at least.
That is what happens when you loose a large amount of weight and gain it back. :(
But smaller things are coming!

Speak Lord for your servant is listening

I am getting ready to run out and get some exercise.....may even bring my camera so you can see my new buddy.....we will see how she feels about that.
But before I go....... I wanted to share with you a short devotion I just read.
Lets see if it hits you like it did me.

Strange Instructions
TGIF Today God Is First Volume 2, by Os Hillman
02-05-2009

"And this is love: that we walk in obedience to his commands" (2 John 6).

A distinguished Indian evangelist named Sadhu Chellappa was on a mission trip to a village north of Madras, when in the middle of the night he suddenly sensed God speaking to him: "Leave this house quickly and run away!"

Not exactly a convenient thing to do. But Chellappa was accustomed to accepting even strange instructions from the Lord without debate, so he dressed quickly and ran into the darkness.

After a while, he was in open country. As he passed beneath a large tree, he felt God tell him, "Stay here and start to preach!" Now, even for an experienced evangelist, this was puzzling--because there was no one to be seen. Why did God want him to preach to an empty field in the middle of the night? But he stopped under the tree and began to preach the gospel.

Finally, he reached the point at which he called on his unseen listeners to give their lives to Jesus. He was surprised to hear a voice from the top of the tree and see a man climb down, crying. The man tearfully gave his life to Jesus. When Chellappa asked why he was in a tree out in the middle of nowhere, the man admitted, "I came out here to hang myself."

How is your obedience quotient? God calls us to be obedient to that small voice inside that can direct us to sometimes do strange things. Jesus was obedient in ALL things. "For just as through the disobedience of the one man the many were made sinners, so also through the obedience of the one man the many will be made righteous" (Rom 5:19). God can do exceedingly great things through one man or woman who is willing to be obedient to God's voice. Ask for His grace today to be obedient to His voice.

Made me sit here and go....hmmmm.
When is the last time I head Him say RUN! and I did?
Did this hit you like it did me?
How I long to be used like this. And I do think that sometimes we hear His voice and act without some huge understanding that it was even Him speaking. Maybe sometimes as females we just thought it was our female intuition.
So when was the last time you stopped "under a tree" to proclaim the gospel?
Really, I would love to hear the story.

W's

(Not from my yard but I wish it was!)

I know I have been posting some serious stuff....so when I saw this over at Mimi's Toes....I asked for a letter. What was i thinking?!
I got the letter W.:)

The object of this sweet little game is to list 10 things that you like, that you adore...well they are some of your favorite things. And then again list 10 things that you dislike, you detest....your least favorite things.

Here goes....

Favorite-

1. Watermelon-I know, that was an easy one....
2. Wheat bread
3. Weight loss :) \o/!!!!!!!!!!
4. Wiener dogs--I think they are adorable..but hubby says no because they have back problems.
5. Weird food---things I have never tasted---but no, I don't want to taste chocolate covered any type of bug.
6. Whatchamacallit--yes, it is a candy bar
7. Watermark--a Christian group
8. Wendy's--that was an easy one. ;)
9. Weekends \o/
10. Worship.....when it comes from the Spirit

Least Favorite--

1. Weekdays
2. Worm guts-don't mind fishing with them...detest what comes out when you put them on a hook
3. Worry
4. Weight gain :)
5. Wiseguy
6. Witchcraft
7. Wine (red)
8. Whiners (getting desperate here)
9. Wilderness---I feel like I have been here awhile now.....but the promise land is in sight
10. Water...you know how when you have not been drinking it for awhile and then go back to it it can almost make you feel sick at your stomach?

Thank you Mimi Toes for taxing my brain this morning.
Who knew that I could actually come up with that much for the letter W.
If you are desperate for a post idea or you would just like to play......ask me for a letter.
I promise not to give out the letter Z. :)

So I am off to Walmart.....oh my goodness...another W word! I can't even believe i forgot about that one. I don't know if it could fall totally under one or the other. I really don't enjoy going there...but I love that I can get everything under one roof.
We got snow last night and are expecting more today.....so I am going to hurry out before it returns.
Have a great day!
He loves you and so do I.

And thank you for being so patient with all the blog changes. I have kind of been like that person who can't figure out what to wear. ;)
I promise I'll leave this one for a little while.

Sunday and school

So I don't know if I mentioned it here, but I really enjoy my Sunday school teacher and the class. ;)
And I have been meaning to have a conversation with her-her brain holds some incredible thoughts that I would like to get to know a little better. :)
Today we got to class a little early and Vicki was waiting for us at the door.
She is bright an chipper.....and there is a sweet spirit surrounding her.
When I walked up she said, "Hey, one of my favorite people!" And I can tell you now that I looked back over my shoulder. :) And when I realized she was talking about me...it touched my heart.
This venturing in to a new section of the body of Christ has been a slow one.
Once bitten- twice cautious.....twice bitten-and you go forward with full body armor in place. And some of you know what I mean. ;)

I smiled and walked on into to class to get my seat.
I love this class. I can't tell you how much I have missed having others who want to dig deep.
Not having someone to talk to and listen to....it left such a hole in me....a void that could not be filled by books or religious programs on t.v.
Today in class we talked about Christians who have their tickets to heaven and don't want to be bothered with going on any further. They know what they know...and they will be glad to recite what they have memorized but that knowledge has never made it to their inner man by the working out of that knowledge.
And then she said it, "It is those types of Christians who end up hurting us and the reputation of the body of Christ. They live as they wish.....never letting Gods discipline change the person they are".
And so hearts that would be changed by listening to the voice of the Spirit......they go on as normal. And when the world looks at them......they don't see any difference between a "Christian" and non Christian.

Things happen in their lives and the inner man who has been hiding comes roaring out.....ripping apart all in the way. And more than likely if they are not taking correction from the Spirit......they won't care when when you offer correction. And many of us have broken hearts because of their hard hearts.

Bottom line.....they have never moved from Knowledge to High Belief.
High belief is what I am aiming for-what we as Christians should all be aiming for.
And be warned....High Belief will not come easy.

You get to high belief by way of experience....example....Job. History with the Trinity working this thing out- that is what moves us forward. And just like Job.....you to have the opportunity to stop at WHY? and then live in anger and bitterness. But God wants to give us all of Him....that is why we got the HOLY SPIRIT.
No, the way is not always that hard......but it will not be easy. He was sent to be our guide, comforter and teacher.

Here is our assignment for the next week.
We are to look at where we think we fall in the following areas.

Holy Spirit Relationship

Relationship (salvaton-where we all must begin and can stay)

1. My identity comes from what I've accomplished for God.

2. It is enough that I know about God.

OR
Have you moved on to High Belief -proof of a walk and relationship with the Holy Spirit

Growing, Rooted relationship(with the Spirit in you)
3. My identity comes from what God has done through me.
4. It is crucial what I believe about God.

I can honestly say that I have worked my way from 2 to 4. What we believe shows up in our everyday life. You can know as much as you want about God....but until you have seen it in action-worked out.....it doesn't do you much good.
Kind of like writing the word gas on a piece of paper and putting it in the gas tank. ;)

What hit me was that I believe that God has been taking me this past year to a deeper level of number 3. Before we left Louisiana I was very involved in our little church. I lead our women's Bible study, taught children's church and occasionally I got the chance to teach Sunday school.
When my relationship with God was where it should be.....I felt good about doing these things. They became an evidence to me that God was pleased with me and He was blessing what I was doing. In other words He was proud that I had chosen to live for Him.
I took this responsibilty very seriously. And these experiences became who I was--for Him.
I knew that I could not do these things without His Spirit.......these things were proof that He was at work in my life.
They were my identity.

And then we left the churh and all acctivity as I knew it-stopped.
And for awhile it was o.k....I needed to rest and be refueled. I wanted to sit in a church and have someone minister to me.
But after awhile this teacher began to feel lost.....like I didn't know myself anymore.
I felt a rush to get involved with a church because I needed to start doing something again. If I was not a teacher for Him then who was I? And yes, I think I began to feel a tad worthless.
He was taking me on a journey. I knew that nothing of my past good came from me....it was all coming from Him. But, if He choose to sit me down for a while.....for a long while.....would I continue to feel worthless?
God has done a great work in my life in this area. I may not wear the title teacher.....but the things I see Him doing through me....they make me smile.
He is so tender in His teaching. He may have to provoke me to get me moving...but He always makes sure I learn if I have a hungry willing heart.

So where are you?
Yes, I would love to hear what you have to say. And if you have a different perspective...I would love to hear that too.

Love ya girl!