Thursday, March 13, 2008

For your, at my expense. ;)

SOUTHERN WOMEN--Yes, I am a southern woman but I don't know if could "rightly" agree with all of these. :).

Southern women appreciate their natural assets:
Clean skin.--with less wrinkles because of all the humidity.
A winning smile.
That unforgettable Southern drawl.

Southern women know their manners:
'Yes, ma'am.'
'Yes, sir.'
'Why, no, Billy!'

Southern women have a distinct way with fond expressions :
'Y'all come back!'
'Well, bless your heart.'
'Drop by when you can.'
'How's your Momma?'
I wish you'd hush!--that was spoken often by my Grandma. Of course hush really sounded like huuuush

Southern women know their summer weather report:

Southern women know their vacation spots:
The beach
The rivuh
The crick
The mountains--says this southern girl. But the gravel pit will do too!

Southern women know the joys of June, July, and August:
Colorful hi-heel sandals-maybe
Strapless sun dresses-no
Iced sweet tea with mint-oh yes if that sweet involves sweet n low!
Straw hats and big sunglasses-uh-No!

Southern women know everybody's first name:
Girl :)

Southern women know the movies that speak to their hearts:
Fried Green Tomatoes
Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood
Steel Magnolias
Gone With The Wind--this has been a favorite since I was a little girl. I always thought God messed up when he planted me in the 1900's. But then He knew I would be fond of A.C.
Southern women know their religions:
Football--for shame, for shame! Somebodies Ma Ma didn't teach em right! :)

Southern women know their country breakfasts:
Red-eye gravy
Country ham
Mouth-watering homemade biscuits with homemade jelly-Amen, Amen, Amen, Amen, AMEN!
Southern women know their cities dripping with Southern charm:
Foat Wuth
Addlanna--Looks like we need some diction lessons. On my behalf --I always say, New Orleans.
Southern women know their elegant gentlemen:
Men in uniform.
Men in tuxedos
Rhett Butler--oooo la la!

Southern girls know their prime real estate:
The Mall
The Country Club--more like the back row in the Baptist church for me ;) Although I have moved up to the second row and it is no longer a Baptist church!
The Beauty Salon

Southern girls know the 3 deadly sins: hmmmm
Having bad hair and nails
Having bad manners
Cooking bad food

More Suthen-ism's:
Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit , and that you don't 'HAVE' them, you 'PITCH' them.--I think kids all over the world have this one down pat. And that is what "a switchin" is for.
Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up 'a mess.'
Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of 'yonder.' --goodness that makes us sound like a mess of country bumpkins
Only a Southerner knows exactly how long 'directly' is, . as in: 'Going to town, be back directly.'
Even Southern babies know that 'Gimme some sugar' is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.
All Southerners know exactly when 'by and by' is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.
Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin! HA Ha! and if it is real bad..ya better show up with a lemon meringue pie too!
Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between 'right near' and 'a right far piece.' They also know that 'just down the road' can be 1 mile or 20.
Only a Southerner, both knows and understands, the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po ' white trash. --I don't fall into any of the above categories--but I love a few red necks!
No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn. Oh so ture!
A Southerner knows that 'fixin' can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.-Not according to my Mom!
Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, ... and when we're 'in line,' . we talk to everybody!-I'm working on this--seems that got left out of my southern programing.
Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage. -hmmmmm and that is all I've got to say on that point!
In the South, y'all is singular, all y'all is plural.
Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.--with real butter, plenty of salt and some cheese and crumbled bacon!
Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
When you hear someone say, 'Well, I caught myself lookin',' you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!
Only true Southerners say 'sweet tea,' 'sweet milk,' and 'light bread'. Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it (just ask my man-2 1/2 cups per gallon!)-- we do not like our tea unsweetened. 'Sweet milk' means you don't want buttermilk. And 'Light bread' is white bread. We don't use light bread and I prefer the fake sweetener.
And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say,'Bless her heart' ... and go your own way.
To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southernness: Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning. Bless your heart!--Our revival will start next week. But it won't be held in a tent--thank ya Jesus!
And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff, ... bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have classes on Southernness as a second language!
And for those that are not from the South but have lived here for a long time, all y'all need a sign to hang on y'alls front porch that reads
'I ain't from the South, but I got here as fast as I could.' --we really do know how to speak proper! My Mom would have a fit if I started talking like that!

Southern girls know men may come and go, but friends are fahevah !


MelanieJoy said...

I don't know girl- I aint embarrassed....hahahe.
I've got me a bad drawl but praise the good Lord we (I hope) are not that bad. It does remind me though of the talk I heard from my Grandparents and their generation...bless their hearts. =)
Thanks...I needed a good chuckle tonight. You were right about em skitters tonight...haha...okay let me regain my composure.

Karen said...

This was great reading, I loved it. What are grits by the way? I was watching Top Chef the other day and one of the guys made a tasty meal with them, and I still didn't figure it out. My only Southern experience was in Nasvhille (loved it!) and my friend made the best Iced Tea, took us to a wonderful colonial mansion/museum and we had Southern Fare - yummy, oh and the Jack Daniels Museum. I loved the scenery, the politeness and that wonderful Southern manner. The humidity (it was July) was a knock out, lovely in with the a/c and then would hit you hard when you stepped outside. Been praying for you today, re a new home for you guys.

Denise said...

Did you see that!!!!!!!! What are grits she asked? hahahaha I hate grits but my DH loves them... and I am so into straw hats and big sunglasses......... !!! and as for Rhett............ frankly I don't give a damn!!!!!!!!!!! ahahhahah That was such fun reading..... I will go back and read again... I would have loved to be a Southern Belle.......... and the talk of sausage gravy made my mouth water and I think I put on 2 lbs.. ahahahha (and I do make friends while standing in line and I will talk to anyone) PUTER is back up and running...... I have a very smart DH...!!!!!! I have a lot to get ready to post so will be gone another day or two........ but I am hear and reading.......... :)

Love ya!!!

Tiffany said...

Love it, LOVE IT, LUV IT!!! I miss the humidity. Look, call me crazy, but my heart will always be in the south- I was raised on it/in it and I can't get back quick enough. As far as I'm concerned, I'm just visiting up north for a spell!

Halfmoon Girl said...

You are in a whole other world than me I think, though I am sure we have our peculiarities here too. I would love to call everyone pet names like in your post!

Denise said...

This was so funny, you are so divine darling. I love you sugar, lol

freetofly said...

Love this! WOW! I can't believe you prefer artificial sweetner? And your man likes 1 WHOLE cup MORE suger than we use! WOW! That's some sugar!

This was loads of fun!


MelanieJoy said...

I thought tea could only be made with 2 cups of sugar....the real deal stuff. Have a good day darlin.

Nicki said...

That was so cute!! I'll have to remember this!!

Edge of Design said...

I've also noticed something and I'm not sure if it's the entire south or just NC. They say "I'm going to "get me" ...." Oh and I will "get with" ..... I picked up those two expressions right quick!

You doing alright today?

Nise' said...

That was cute. I found out I have some Southern traits. Maybe some of my "people" came from the South, oh wait, my grandmother is Tsalagi (Cherokee) her people were originally from the south!

luvmy4sons said...

too funny. Sorry I can't count myself among the lot! You have been in my thoguths and prayers. Sore today...but rejoicing always in the Lord!

Connie@Little Red Hearts From God said...

you always come up with the coolest stuff...

I just love it!!

of course, most days I'm doing good to speak English.. I have been told that English .. well is my 3rd or 4th language.. how funny

Kellan said...

So funny! WE do like our sweet tea, strappy high-heeled shoes and sun dresses!

Thanks for your continued prayers for our sweet baby - have a great weekend - Kellan

Mary said...

I enjoyed reading this. I have some of these southern traits. I tell the boys to hush and it does sound like huuuush. LOL

I continue to pray for you and your family.

Love and blessings,

Pastor Lisa said...

I have assimilated well into a good southerner. As I can relate to most of these! When I went back home to CA a few years ago, somebody commented that I had a southern drawl which I adamantly denied! But alas, it's true! I really do have a weird So. Ca/Texan thing going on.

Cool beans, and "you guys" are all intermingled with "bless your heart" and y'all - which is now finally recognized as a true contraction for the words you AND all. A coworker brought me the newspaper article saying so!

Now white gravy and chicken fried steak or white gravy and biscuits will never pass my lips but I have no problem with the rest of it! LOL!

Love ya!

Pastor Lisa said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Melanie said...

I love it! Those are so funny- thanks for the smiles ;)