Thursday, March 13, 2008
For your entertainment........um, at my expense. ;)
SOUTHERN WOMEN--Yes, I am a southern woman but I don't know if could "rightly" agree with all of these. :).
Southern women appreciate their natural assets:
Clean skin.--with less wrinkles because of all the humidity.
A winning smile.
That unforgettable Southern drawl.
Southern women know their manners:
'Why, no, Billy!'
Southern women have a distinct way with fond expressions :
'Y'all come back!'
'Well, bless your heart.'
'Drop by when you can.'
'How's your Momma?'
I wish you'd hush!--that was spoken often by my Grandma. Of course hush really sounded like huuuush
Southern women know their summer weather report:
Southern women know their vacation spots:
The mountains--says this southern girl. But the gravel pit will do too!
Southern women know the joys of June, July, and August:
Colorful hi-heel sandals-maybe
Strapless sun dresses-no
Iced sweet tea with mint-oh yes if that sweet involves sweet n low!
Straw hats and big sunglasses-uh-No!
Southern women know everybody's first name:
Southern women know the movies that speak to their hearts:
Fried Green Tomatoes
Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood
Gone With The Wind--this has been a favorite since I was a little girl. I always thought God messed up when he planted me in the 1900's. But then He knew I would be fond of A.C.
Southern women know their religions:
Football--for shame, for shame! Somebodies Ma Ma didn't teach em right! :)
Southern women know their country breakfasts:
Mouth-watering homemade biscuits with homemade jelly-Amen, Amen, Amen, Amen, AMEN!
Southern women know their cities dripping with Southern charm:
Addlanna--Looks like we need some diction lessons. On my behalf --I always say, New Orleans.
Southern women know their elegant gentlemen:
Men in uniform.
Men in tuxedos
Rhett Butler--oooo la la!
Southern girls know their prime real estate:
The Country Club--more like the back row in the Baptist church for me ;) Although I have moved up to the second row and it is no longer a Baptist church!
The Beauty Salon
Southern girls know the 3 deadly sins: hmmmm
Having bad hair and nails
Having bad manners
Cooking bad food
Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit , and that you don't 'HAVE' them, you 'PITCH' them.--I think kids all over the world have this one down pat. And that is what "a switchin" is for.
Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up 'a mess.'
Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of 'yonder.' --goodness that makes us sound like a mess of country bumpkins
Only a Southerner knows exactly how long 'directly' is, . as in: 'Going to town, be back directly.'
Even Southern babies know that 'Gimme some sugar' is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.
All Southerners know exactly when 'by and by' is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.
Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin! HA Ha! and if it is real bad..ya better show up with a lemon meringue pie too!
Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between 'right near' and 'a right far piece.' They also know that 'just down the road' can be 1 mile or 20.
Only a Southerner, both knows and understands, the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po ' white trash. --I don't fall into any of the above categories--but I love a few red necks!
No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn. Oh so ture!
A Southerner knows that 'fixin' can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.-Not according to my Mom!
Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, ... and when we're 'in line,' . we talk to everybody!-I'm working on this--seems that got left out of my southern programing.
Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage. -hmmmmm and that is all I've got to say on that point!
In the South, y'all is singular, all y'all is plural.
Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.--with real butter, plenty of salt and some cheese and crumbled bacon!
Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
When you hear someone say, 'Well, I caught myself lookin',' you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!
Only true Southerners say 'sweet tea,' 'sweet milk,' and 'light bread'. Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it (just ask my man-2 1/2 cups per gallon!)-- we do not like our tea unsweetened. 'Sweet milk' means you don't want buttermilk. And 'Light bread' is white bread. We don't use light bread and I prefer the fake sweetener.
And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say,'Bless her heart' ... and go your own way.
To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southernness: Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning. Bless your heart!--Our revival will start next week. But it won't be held in a tent--thank ya Jesus!
And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff, ... bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have classes on Southernness as a second language!
And for those that are not from the South but have lived here for a long time, all y'all need a sign to hang on y'alls front porch that reads
'I ain't from the South, but I got here as fast as I could.' --we really do know how to speak proper! My Mom would have a fit if I started talking like that!
Southern girls know men may come and go, but friends are fahevah !