Monday, December 10, 2007

Something Has Need To Go

It’s not the words we say
Or the things we do
It’s all about heart attitude.
When my heart says, yes
And my activities say, no
Something in my life
Has need to go.
When my works say, yes
But my heart says, no
Then darkness follows
Wherever I go.
But when we come to the end
It will be for His love we’ll spend
Each and every day
His precious life to display.
And when finally our heart says, YES
And our actions agree
Then to the strings of this life
We shall ever be free.

The last few days I have been working it out. Working out what I hope will in the end make me "fit" for kingdom service. This is not a fluffy post-so if you are not in the mood--I understand.

I think I tend to be a pretty loyal friend. I am the type most times to pick up the phone even when you are in one of those moods you just don't feel like dealing with others. You know those times? Times when you might be already feeling a little stressed and you see on caller i.d that one person who tends to take instead of give. Or maybe it is someone you are mentoring and you know that on that particular day you just have nothing to give that would be of any benefit. In other words you are in need and you don't need to use this relationship in that way.

I would say that also I love pretty deeply. Yes, we are told to love everyone. But sometimes something in you attaches itself to the other person and you know that you are hooked. You hurt for that person. You are happy with that person. You feel the connection.
For many years I would not allow myself to go there. It was not a safe zone.
And then one day God changed my heart and I looked at some of my sisters in Christ and I thought -I love them. How incredible! I would give my all for them.
It amazed me. Such a love-- I knew that it could not be from me. And so I prayed for them, loved them, and felt responsible for them. Kind of like a shepherd.
Then one day a few of the sheep developed fangs. I have the scars to prove it.
It took years to heal. But now they are truly scars. They no longer hurt..... but when I look at them I remember the lessons learned.
I thought for awhile I would not let myself love like that again. God would not allow that. Soon I found that, once again I was laboring in the spirit and fighting for the spiritual health for those I had given my heart to. Many times in the dark hours of the night God and I would fight the good fight for these people. Often during the day I would cry out to the Lord for these people.
And, then one day it happened again. The ones I loved developed fangs.

Gut reaction is to jump quick before I could be bitten. My mind could hardly imagine that I could be in the same spot again. Did they not know my heart? Could they not see my love? Did they forget the hours spent together laboring before the Lord? How could they so soon think that lies lined my words?
And although quick reflexes could stop emotional flesh from being torn--it still bruises the heart.
Would I rather not know they have a problem with me? Would I rather that my sister in Christ just walked away and act like time and events had just estranged us?
No. When they walk away they will carry with them little pieces of my heart that had been given freely.

I started talking to God about this. I was a tad angry. A little miffed. And I wanted to stomp my foot. I told God----
Fine, let them be that way. Let them go their own way. Don't they know that the things I said were said in love? Don't they know that if they had just asked me to explain that they would have know how dearly I loved them? How I would given all that I could just to see them walking in right standing with You? How could they so quickly forget what I have given? How could they think that firm words said in love were anything but loving? How could they throw it all away because of a little misunderstanding? How could they not want to get it right? How could they not love someone who loves them?
How could they?????

Do you understand what I am talking about God?
Oh Sharon, don't you remember when you............
And, remember when I told you....... and you.........
My heart was hurt, but I knew in the end you would be right here. Yes, I understand. I knew at those times you were only viewing me and my actions through what you knew and were familiar with. You must remember they are doing the same to you.
Are you willing to be minunderstood for my names sake? I know your heart.
It is not perfect but the love was coming from me.
Keep loving. Keep giving. Be merciful.
Keep sacrificing.
Be Me.


Halfmoon Girl said...

Yes, it is that thing about pointing fingers, isn't it- 3 are pointing back at you. It really humbles me to remember that I treat God in the same manner as others sometimes treat me. Good thoughts here Sharon.

Anonymous said...

i always know that you have love for the girls in your life and deep down they love you too. they just don't know how to handle real love from anyone it scares them. so they try and make their life problems your fault, but its not. it makes them feel good. i know what is in your heart love, caring, honesty. I LOVE YOU sister.

Karen said...

Oh I know, I have poured myself out for others and been 'fanged' a number of times, or have attracted needy clingy people - and I'm such an introvert, independent who doesn't let too many folk close at all - having been bitten a lot has done this. Godly boundaries have been a real help, plus my memory verse which now springs to mind from week #2 "Above all guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life". Don't forget to take care of you too and your heart. xxx

Denise said...

This was such a powerful post sis. I understand what you are saying, this has happened to me several times. I love you.

Sandi said...

I needed to hear the first part myself. When my heart say yes and actions say no. Thank you

Mary said...


I'm so sorry that your heart has been hurt in this way. I too have experienced this and even from family. As I read the post, I could feel your pain.

I am a giver and have often seen the "fangs" of takers. I have learned over the years to guard my heart and listen to God's whisper. I can often tell when the "fangs" are going to spring forth and am now prepared for it.

Forgiveness to those people who grow the "fangs" is the key. It's not always easy, but being able to forgive is a gift from God.

Thank you for such a powerful and amazing post.

Love and blessings,

Irritable Mother said...

Amen, Sharon.
It is hard to love when you are being bitten. But what a difference it makes when we take our eyes off ourselves and look at the One who took so much for us!

Edge of Design said...

There isn't one of us that is without fangs. Our very fangs put Jesus on the cross as they gripped their way to our Salvation in and through Him. I have no doubt He felt the sting of them and in fact, they drew blood. Yet, He who was without sin chose, I repeat, CHOSE to forgive and to die for us. It's no wonder He asks the same of us for we are to be like Him. Forgiveness is not only a gift, it's a command!

Debbie said...

What a beautiful post.

Blessings to you!

Melanie said...

I think many of us have been there. I always appreciate how you are able to put your feelings into words. For me it would just all come out one big jumbled angry mess.

Our Happy Happenings

BunnyGirl said...

Hi Sharon,

Loved the poem at the beginning.
This was a powerful post. Got me thinking on a number of levels and there is stuff I need to unpack here from reading this. It's challenged me on attitudes and mindsets I have.

I'm so sorry you have been hurt and hope that God takes your tender heart and heals it.

SunnySusan said...

I am so sorry that you hurt....we all have fangs....I hate that about me....Jesus paid it all...all to Him I owe...

Tomorrow we go to our HS meeting...the kids were telling Amy she was too poor to go to private school anymore...
does this ever end....

Nise' said...

I am sorry that you have been hurt. You are living and loving as God has asked you to.

I have been on the receiving and giving side of those fangs that wound. I am so thankful for the healing and forgiving power of the Holy Spirit.