So if ya notice a little lady an her bike a missen next Monday--just know she will be back rel soon. I'm sure Sharon'll be sweet and be fillin ya in on sum travelin details.
So ta start yur monday right proper with alittle laugh here is sum thin for yur funny bone.
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack, when a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you."
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head and continued. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you."
Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot.
"Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you."
The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?"
"Moses," replied the bird.
"Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?"
"The same kind of people that would name a pit bull, Jesus."
Now I don't rightly know that naming a dog after our good Lord is rightly respectful-but don't cha know I'm not sur the last time I heard a bird carrin on such. I'm guessen that if yur the type ta be taken others stuff --then we will let one take ya out an one judge ya. If ya are not ready ta meet Jesus--ya better be stayin out anothers house.I'm not thinkin I shared this next one with ya before. I'm guessin if I did--my mind musta already done gone on that vacation a week early. Now ya know I had ta chuckel to myself when I read this next one. We are a tad differnt from them city folk but this is even a smig peculir for me.
As a young minister, I was asked by a funeral director to hold a grave-side service for a homeless man, with no family or friends. The funeral was to be held at a cemetery way back in the country, and this man would be the first to be laid to rest there.
As I was not familiar with the backwoods area, I became lost; and being a typical man did not stop for directions. I finally arrived an hour late. I saw the backhoe and the crew, who was eating lunch, but the hearse was nowhere in sight.
I apologized to the workers for my tardiness, and stepped to the side of the open grave, where I saw the vault lid already in place. I assured the workers I would not hold them up for long, but this was the proper thing to do. The workers gathered around, still eating their lunch. I poured out my heart and soul.
As I preached the workers began to say "Amen," "Praise the Lord," and "Glory," I preached, and I preached, like I'd never preached before: from Genesis all the way to Revelations. I closed the lengthy service with a prayer and walked to my car.
As I was opening the door and taking off my coat, I overheard one of the workers saying to another, "I ain't never seen anything like that before and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years."
Now wasn't that just too cute? An i'm sure his face was red for quit awhile.
Well I guess I must be movin along. There are totes ta pack and lots of details to take care of. I'll be seeing ya'll when I get back. Until then don't ya furget to...........GO WITH JESUS!