Sunday, April 15, 2007

Mrs Nufon and a Friend

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Good morning dearies. Hope ya'll had a blessed Lords day. I'm still floatin frum the Spirit hoverin yesterday in our little temple. Our pastor was a dancin and our hearts wer touched to say the least.
Ya might of noticed that I have a gal totting along with me today. If ya can't tell she is a cheary little friend. Goodness me, I guess I should be doin a proper introduction for ya'll. Mrs Waterloon, I would like to introduce you ta my Monday mornin girls. And girls it would be my plesure ta give you sum proper introductions to my best girl --Mrs Waterloon. Wanda and I hav cum through some real tough spots together. Ya know, those days when ya wanna give Mr Right the what for. Mind ya-- those years have purty much vanshed with my brown hair-but dont ya know my shoe still itches for a back side every now an again. So Wanda thought it might make us a little easier ta understand if our men folks might have a few helpful hints as ta what were sayin when we speak.

My Dear Mr Waterloon, has since passed on beyond those pearly gates in the sky but I do think if this list had been posted on our frig he might not have thought that women were from mars. He tried, he really did. He used to say, "I think God was joken in a cruel way when He gave me you minus the manual". Well I know it is a little late but now he knows that in place of a manual God gave him a 24/7 hot line. Sometimes ya just need to hear a voice.

WORDS WOMEN USE

1.) FINE: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2.) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five Minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3.) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

4.) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

5.) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing.
(Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6.) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7.) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint.
Just say you're welcome.


Now in case ya haven't noticed Wanda has a touch of sarcastic humor in her bones. I'm thinkin that is why we tend ta get along so well. What is it you younger folk say, "I get her".
Now I know yer busy about this new week but I have ta leave ya with a little funny from me. So ya already know we girls do what we do well--dontcha know God made us that way--so here is a little funny ta celebrate that its a fact.


A fellow got up one morning and decided he no longer was going to shave himself, he was instead going to the barber for his morning shave.
The town barber also happened to be the local pastor in town. When the guy walked into the barber shop the barber/pastor was not there, he was out on a pastoral call but his wife Grace was in the shop.
The man said to Grace, "I want a shave." Grace told him to climb up in the chair and she gave him a shave. When Grace was finished he asked her how much for the shave and Grace said, "Twenty dollars."

"Twenty dollars, that seems a little steep," the guy replied.
Grace said: "That's my charge."
So the guy gave her $20 bill and went on his way. The next morning when he got up he went to the mirror and looked and his face was as smooth as when he was shaved the day before. He checked the following the day, same thing, a week went by, two weeks and his face stayed as smooth as a baby's face.

Finally after the third week he stopped back in the barber shop and Grace happened to be there. The guy said to her: "Grace, I can't believe I still don't need another shave. You did some kind of magnificent job."

And Grace replied, "Well, you have been shaved by Grace and once shaved always shaved!"

What a knee slapper that was. And that'll do it for now. Dontcha wished it was once happy- always happy? Well I'm guessin we'll have ta wait till eternity. Until then- and hoppen the creek don't rise-- will just have ta meet back here next Monday for sum more grins.
Don't forget ---
Go With God!

5 comments:

Dee said...

LOL Very enjoyable!! :) Thanks! D

CrownLaidDown said...

Now that is cute! I wish I could think of some more things we say, but alas, my brain is stuck. All I could think of was the saying, "I know you di---ent." But that's pretty clear, I think :)

Praying for your Monday, friend!
Love in Him,
Holly

Christine said...

Sharon, that is sooo funny! I love the "sigh" one, I do that to my husband a little too often (though I don't mean he's an idiot...) and he hates it. I'm back online with the laptop in the hospital! Thanks for your prayers!

Nise' said...

That was so funny! I am going to post a true story that happened to my friend that is so hysterical on Under the Boardwalk.

Halfmoon Girl said...

I had a chuckle over that. Thanks.