Friday, March 30, 2007

Just a little nonsense--Found on Office Spam

What to do in a Terrorist Attack

The US government has a new website, http://www.ready.gov. displaying public service symbols for terrorism readiness, in the tradition of the old "duck and cover" campaigns after WWII. The fun thing is that these pictures are so ambiguous they could mean anything! Here are a few guesses about what they mean:

Run-If-You-are-on-fire.gif

If you have set yourself on fire, do not run

If you spot terrorism, blow your anti-terrorism whistle. If you are bald, yell really loud.

Yell-if-your are bald.gif

If you spot a terrorist arrow, pin it against the wall with your shoulder

Door.gif

If you are sprayed with an unknown substance, stand and think about it instead of seeing a doctor.

bio.gif

Use your flashlight to lift the walls right off of you!

dark-place.gif

The proper way to eliminate smallpox is to wash with soap, water and at least one armless hand.

wash-hands.gif

Michael Jackson is a terrorist. If you spot this smooth criminal with dead, dead eyes, run away.

MichaelJackson.gif

Hurricanes, animal corpses and the biohazard symbol have a lot in common. Think about it.

huricane.gif

Be on the lookout for terrorists with pinkeye and leprosy. Also, they tend to rub their hands together manically.

pink-eye.gif

If a door is closed, karate chop it open.

exit-door.gif

If your building collapses, cower under a desk and kiss your butt goodbye.

falling-things.gif

Try to absorb as much of the radiation as possible with your groin region. After 5 minutes and 12 seconds, however, you may become sterile

time.gif

After exposure to radiation it is important to consider that you may have mutated to gigantic dimensions: watch your head.

arrow.gif

If you've become a radiation mutant with a deformed hand, remember to close the window. No one wants to see that mess.

mutant.gif

If you hear the Backstreet Boys, Michael Bolton or Yanni on the radio, it is a psychological terror attack. Cower in the corner or run like hell.

bad-music.gif

If your lungs and stomach start talking, stand with your arms akimbo until they stop.

lungs.gif

Austin is radioactive, move to Houston

texas.gif

If you are trapped under falling debris, conserve oxygen by not farting.

Dont-get-under-rubble.gif

If you lose a contact lens during a chemical attack, do not stop to look for it.

roll.gif

Do not drive a station wagon if a power pole is protruding from the hood.

stationwagon.gif

A one-inch thick piece of plywood should be sufficient protection against radiation. Always carry one!

one-inch-thick-peace-of-plywood.gif

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