Saturday, October 4, 2008

Ear to the wall

I have debated about writing this post.
You know how sometimes when you get too serious people tend to disappear.
But as much as I love you guys.....this blog has got to be the real me.
So this is a little of what God showed me about myself this past week. If it helps someone else along the way...great. After all we are supposed to be iron sharpening iron. Right?

If you have been reading my blog you know that I am turning my heart back toward what I know to be true. And that truth? That God is the creator of my body and He created it to follow His direction just as He created my heart to follow His direction.
He wants to be the one to fill my soul...and He demands that
I see and worship Him as my only God. In doing and following the above I get the benefit of Him leading me into all truth.
I have known these things for a LONG time...but have not always followed them.
In regards to my body.....I have not followed His lead or athority. I have self medicated with food...and in greed taken in more than my daily bread. I guess it is a good thing that God did not design it so that each of us only would be given a certain amount of food for a life time and then the food source would stop. Yikes! I think I would have seriously depleted my source in the last 20 years.

The thing that really started buzzing around in my head this week was.....Why if I knew the truth did it not work? Truth...God made my body. He made my stomach to growl or feel empty when it needed filling........then when it was satisfied He made it so that it would notify me.
He did not make this a hard thing to understand. Nor did He make it a hard thing to follow. I mean --when I am filling my truck with gas and the nozzle cuts off because it is full I don't say, Oh no you are going to take 3 more gallons even if it does not fit. I am not going to waste that money by dumping it all over the ground. Full is full........stop.
And likewise if the tank is on full I am not going to stop to fill it up.
This is the basic concept of truth that I understand.
Nine years ago I took the same course I am taking now. Did I get it? No. Or maybe I should say that my rebellious heart did not want to get it. That is a hard pill to swallow. The reality that I looked into the face of God and said NO....yes, that is really scary. Not only was I unwilling to bend my knee to the truth God had revealed to me, but I basically told Him that I would be willing to follow His rules for awhile IF in exchange He helped me loose the weight.
No wonder it did not work. It would be like Julia telling me...I will clean my room if you pay me.
And that was the truth that was laid in my lap this week.
I was willing to do what He said in order to get what I wanted.
Do you know what that did to my heart? It crushed it. I was trying to manipulate God.
My actions had the look of obedience but my heart was far away. No wonder God did not allow it to work. He is not going to bend His knee to anyone.
And then of course I started wondering how many other areas in my life I had been willing to "submit" to God to get what I wanted. I was almost afraid to look.
Now, I do understand that we are required to be obedient even when we don't feel like it. But the thing is that if I am unwilling to submit my heart to God to love Him more than myself......there is rebellion in my heart and God will not turn away from disciplining His child.
I cringe when I think of all the ways I have bartered with God--and in many areas I did not even realize it. He has been patient with me for so long.......preparing my heart to hear and see the truth. I now hold a very important truth in my hands.
It can have a far reaching effect on my life with Him.
The choice is mine......He does give me that. Do I want to move on in my relationship with Him....or do I want to stay where I am?
I have been reading a lot in Deuteronomy and 1st John this week. It is a real eye opener. And it had better be a heart opener....or I will just continue to walk in rebellion.
I don't want to run my own life. The only way to turn this around is to repent and turn.
The cool thing is that I know I can not do this on my own......but, He is there wanting to help.
I have recognized the state of my heart because He opened my eyes.
I have repented and now the work belongs to Him.
1 John 5:18-21
18We know that anyone born of God does not continue to sin; the one who was born of God keeps him safe, and the evil one cannot harm him. 19We know that we are children of God, and that the whole world is under the control of the evil one. 20We know also that the Son of God has come and has given us understanding, so that we may know him who is true. And we are in him who is true—even in his Son Jesus Christ. He is the true God and eternal life.

21Dear children, keep yourselves from idols.

Just to let you know-I am not beating myself up here.
He already took those stripes on the cross. Thank you Jesus! But it is freeing to look at our lives through the eyes of the Spirit. After all He was sent to teach us and lead us in to all truth. His ways are not burdensome. The only time we carry a burden is when we walk in the ways of the world and that darkness blinds our eyes. It has been a good week. I choose this day to put my ear to the wall and let Him pierce it.

Sacrifice and offering you did not desire, but my ears you have pierced. . .
I desire to do your will, O my God. (Psalm 40:6, 8, NIV, italics added)
This site has a great article on the ear piercing if you have time to read it.
Just click on the verse.


eph2810 said...

Sharon, you are right. Sometimes we try to 'bargain' with God to get what we want. I know - I have tried is many times. Just like you - I have failed. I have learned over the years that if we truly want to change something in our lives - He will give us the strength to do so - aligning our will with His will is the first step.

Thank you for sharing from your honest heart...

Have a blessed weekend...

Anonymous said...

I love your open heart!! Girl we need to be serious when it comes to our walk..not just talk yes? You say what we all think. . I love you for it!! Thanks for the truth my friend:)

Denise said...

Thanks for sharing your heart sis, you are so right.

Anonymous said...

I'll be keeping an eye out for you to make sure you don't get into browbeating yourself though either. The Lord is not a hard task master so just so you know, I'm looking out for you. I know you'd do the same for me. :)

Halfmoon Girl said...

Boy, the times I have bartered with God! sheesh. thanks for these thoughts.

Holly said...

Praying for you on this journey, friend!

I have been walking well in this for awhile and have lost nearly 20 pounds. I think the thing that has changed for me has been my focus. I got too focused on food and exercise, so that I was making both an idol. I hope to continue to focus on Him only.

Love you!

Kathryn said...

Sharon, what a refreshingly honest post!

It is indeed His kindness, which leads us to repentance (reference Romans 2:4), and I believe this is a particularly special time when He is calling His Church to sanctify and purify themselves.

May He richly bless your faithfulness and obedience!

In Him,
"Pure Wells"

PS-Found your blog through Elaine at "Peace for the Journey". :-)

Mary said...


Yes, we need to do God's Will, but like children we sometimes rebel and sometimes are disobedient. God knows this and He also knows our heart. I think at times you are too hard on yourself. Remember God is a loving and forgiving God. We all need to grow, but we must not beat ourselves up when we make mistakes. God wouldn't want us to do that either.

Good luck with your weight loss. I'm praying for you and trying to loose a few pounds myself. It's difficult.

Love and blessings,

try2bAsunbeam said...

you never cease to amaze me...


I know you aren't beatin' yourself up, but your words sure are beatin' me up a bit...


It's a good thing...

MelanieJoy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
MelanieJoy said...

This was a great post...I can hear in your voice/words that He is filling your heart full of Him. I agree too with what you are saying. I'm so glad He loves us so much to sit us down and show us a thing or two about ourselves. Then walks us through whatever it is. Keep learning...Yes I have three fingers pointing back at me ;)

elaine @ peace for the journey said...

Thanks for keeping it real. I know what a struggle "body issues" can be. I, too, have had to surrender my will in the matter, and it's a constant battle to treat my body with the respect it deserves.

I will be thinking about you this week,as I strive to make healthy decisions on behalf of God's temple.


SunnySusan said...

Oh my friend...

You have written out what is on my heart alot...honestly, I hate when I barter with God and get so mad when my daughter does it to me....only the one hit makes a noise...KWIM

I need to pick up my book by Elise Fitzpatrick...Idols of the Heart...excellent and very hard to is so true....
Praying for you...will you pray for me ya sis

luvmy4sons said...

Honesty and forthrightness is refreshing not a downer in my book! I know how painful it can be when God shines a light in on us...but it sounds as if you have godly sorrow not worldy worrow. You are hopeful and encouraged and I think it is wonderful that you are willing to be transparent and share what you've learned to help others! I know that God can help you find moderation and balance. Hugs to you sweet friend!

Karen said...

I am very glad that you write these kind of posts! Yeah, it's hard stuff and the heart exposure. Urgghh. I am doing the "Do you think I'm beautiful" book study via Mel's World site - and it may sound flowery and not deep, but it actually is very root deep stuff that has you thinking and God revealing and challenging on many levels.

How is the Out of Egypt going? If there is one time - no make that two times when I just want to eat is mid month and the 'week' before - man, today I fall under the 'week' before category, I am tired and hormonal (but happy) and feel so hungry.

It's seeking that balance isn't it? Knowing we are so utterly loved and accepted, whilst listening to his voice of truth (with love in it) and being sensible ourselves too and open.