Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Is it history?

I am writing this post because it has been on my heart for several months.....even if I did not realize it. It may not be for everyone.....but, I think it is something we can all seriously ponder.

Several months ago we had revival at our old church in Louisiana.
It was a rough time as God used this time to show me that His words to me were true.
Rough.....but true.
During this time one of the women laid hands on me while praying.
Afterwards, she told me that while praying she had sensed a deep root of un forgiveness.
I have to admit that I was upset and even angry.
For many years I thought that God and I had been working on these issues.

I have been a Christian since I was five.
This does not mean that I have lived a godly life ever since. There were years of walking my own way. Times when I did things that hurt others.
Times of unfaithfulness to God and the ones I now love dearly.
During these years there were also things that happened to me......that were meant to destroy the love of God in me. Ugly things that I got involved with as a young innocent child..but I was without guilt because I knew better.
As the years went by I would look back and wish those things had never happened. But God and I had worked on forgiving those people. Some of them I can now look on with love.....and others....I am just glad they are no longer in my life and I pray that God has changed their hearts and that they are not still hurting others.
But, I forgave them.

So...... it really hurt when this woman said I had un forgiveness in my heart.
And, after a while of thinking about it.....I let this word go by the wayside.

As we have been here sitting in peace and silence these words have returned to my mind.
I finally thought.......God, what in the world was she talking about? Please, if there is a spot in my life that we have not really dealt with.....show me. I want to forgive everyone.
And, ME---is what He showed me.
There is a song by Matthew West named, History. I have loved this song since I first heard it.
Here are the words.....if you don't know the song please take time to read the words.
It's been a bad day
You've been looking back
And all you can see is everything you wish you could take back
All your mistakes A world of regrets
All of those moments you would rather forget
I know it's hard to believe
Let me refresh your memory
Yesterday is history
And history is miles away
So, leave it all behind you
But let it always remind you of the day
The day that love made history

You know you can't stay right where you fell The hardest part is forgiving yourself
But let's take a walk into today And don't let your past get in the way

Would you believe that you are history in the making, in the making?
Every choice that you are making
Every step that you are taking
Every chain that you are breaking
History is in the making
Every word that you are saying
Every prayer that you are praying
Every chain that you are breaking
History is in the making ......History is in the making......History is in the making
If you have never heard this song I am sure you can find it on youtube. I have heard so many sermons on forgiveness. I am sure you have too.
And, I am sure we have heard that if He has forgiven us....we are forgiven indeed!
But, I am not sure that really hit me. Because I could still look back and the wounds I had inflicted on myself......they still hurt.
As we were riding the other day this song came on and it brought back to mind what He has been trying to show me.
I must forgive myself.
I look back on that little girl and I hurt for her. I hurt for what could have been and should have been if we lived in a perfect world.
I will tell you that long ago I recognized that if those things had never taken place I would not be the woman of God that I am today.
And no, I would never give up who I am now.
But, it was time to look at what brought me to this present time and not look at it as if it were a strangers life. Because honestly.......at times it was as if the me of long ago was a stranger. A stranger who's windows I was peeking in and wishing that I could go in and fight the forces that were coming against her. Understand?
Now, I know that I can not change what has happened to her....
but I can fight for her future. And so I will.
Each time memories surface.......I will forgive her by reminding her that she is forgiven. And, chains will be broken. Wounds will be healed.
Beth Moore once said, If you poke at something that is supposed to be a scar and it still hurts......it is not a scar yet....... and it needs to be dealt with.(paraphrased)
So I will forgive that young girl, teenager, woman.
Her past is History. A deep rich history.
A history that makes me stronger. A tool in God's hands that can be used in the lives of others who are still......lost in the past.
How cool to be able to look in the eyes of someone who does not know Him and tell them........He sets us free! Not just because a book called the Bible says so, but because I have experienced it first hand.

Yesterday is history
And history is miles away
So, leave it all behind you
But let it always remind you of the day
The day that love made history
Love ya girl

To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover the prisoner was you.—Unknown


Anonymous said...

We are all a part of His Story, too!

Amanda said...

Wow! Very deep and thought provoking. There is certainly something in your words for all of us. I know I've read them for a reason. God Bless you Sharon. Love ya too :)

Joyfulsister said...

MY Sistha
((( Hugz)))after reading this post I had to sit back and just breathe, I mean deeply. Why? because the other night as I was working on a poem called. "The Rooms Of My Soul" I just finished it lastnight and will be putting it on tomorrows post. You will understand it's meaning when you read it. I find so much confirmation in your post.
Please know that the person we have a harder time forgiving is ourselves. I tell the women in my workshops that there is nothing that they could ever have done in their past that would make the Lord love them any less. The enemy will use our past against us to stop us from moving forward, and we end up being stuck. Sometimes we need to search the rooms of our soul where we can keep so many of life's past hurts stored up without even realizing it.
Thank you for your realness and for his heartfelt post.
Hugz Lorie

Denise said...

Such a thought provoking post my sis, wow. I love you.

Halfmoon Girl said...

"The day that love made history."- that line touched me deeply. We all have these areas to work on. What a powerful post!

Tiffany said...

There are many of us out there. and I find it so amazing that the Lord has connected so many of us here in bloggy land. I have been in that painful place where you think you've delt with so many times before and yet, it comes back bubbling to the surface, after years even, and you must lay it down at His feet again. I think that is the part of the process of forgiving ourselves- to refuse to hold onto it, or wear it as a lable of who we are, because it's not who we are- it's who we were. We have to lay it down and leave it in the shadow of the cross- as many times as it takes.

Sarah Onderdonk said...

Sharon... love this post... thank you so much for sharing. I took part in a personal inventory called "Stars & Scars" at Dallas Seminary a few years ago and one of the things that we learned is that in our times of past struggle... there are opportunities to grow closer to God... and even to find our unique ministry... in the pages of of our past.

Love your blog, btw!