Wednesday, October 17, 2007

An Old Love

I ran into an old love today.
Our eyes met from across the room, and as I waited
to see if my heart would miss a beat, he rushed to grasp my hand.
His eyes looked deep into mine searching for a trace of warmth. For a moment my
mind drifted back to rainy afternoons spent arm in arm, and then-slowly- I withdrew
my hand as coldness flooded over me.
At first a slight question in his eyes- but then as strong arms wrapped themselves
around me from behind, a glint of coldness as he turned to leave.
Then, and only then did my heart skip a beat, but only for my true love- Jesus the Nazarene.

Loves can come in various forms,
and with them they all bring the opportunity for disconnection from Christ.
The longer we lay in bed with this
world, the stronger the emotional ties become.
Beware, take your Love with you,
because you never know when the loves of this world will appear,
from across the room.

I wrote this a few years ago during the heat of a struggle to obey God.
God won.
I am in a struggle again. Old loves have crept back into the pictures. Kind of like the vultures over a dying animal. I thought these things were over. I want life to change. I am asking for God to move us on from this time in our life. I am pitching a fit and He is standing across the room tapping His foot with Arms crossed. I am tired of this. And no I don't want Him to stop the process and have to start all over again . But , jesum petes--when will this be over?
I know I am sounding a little rebellious--I am rebellious at the moment.
Kind of like your kid when they keep asking WHY and you say, BECAUSE.
I want to know why.
I know the answers. We are not promised an easy road. I am not asking for a bed of roses.
But when pain and frustration meet they cloud my eyes.
Pray that I will have a tender heart and a greater vision for the big picture.
Sorry for venting. But we are supposed to confess our sin one to the other--confessing a wayward heart. :(


try2bAsunbeam said...

If it is at all encouraging to you, even Paul had his struggles. In Romans 7, he speaks of his body doing what his heart doesn't want to. So, if even the awesome Apostle Paul struggled, we can expect some struggle here too. My pastor always says, if you are struggling with something, you aren't in the battle.

Ally said...

Got ahead and vent.... God´s not scared! He loves to hear the good the bad and the ugly!!! He will break through ...I am praying for you..God will make a way!

Nicki said...

my oh my have I been there! we claim the victory and we are back in defeat before we're even done rejoicing!! =)

Ally said...

Sharon I mentioned you in my post...drop by!

Anonymous said...

Your post reminds me of February. It's the shortest and yet, longest month for me. We pass through a long winter and the promise of spring is right around the corner. Yet, we are stuck in February. Between a rock and a hard place. Yet when the freshness of spring appears, the pain of February is a distant memory. Pruning is never easy but in order for their to be fruit on the vine, pruning is a must. Let the Master Gardener have His way in your heart. You'll be so glad you did!

CrownLaidDown said...

I think that what you said is exactly what we all struggle with...our perspective, our hearts, our choices...oh, we always need Him to win. I want Him to!

Praying for you...really :)

Sandi said...

you just summed up this week for me. something that was a struggle about a year ago is resurfacing. It is a struggle but Praise God because of Him I will have victory

Denise said...

My friend, I see your heart shining through loud and clear. Thanks for being so honest about your feelings, may God bless you.

Karen said...

Dear Sharon, I just popped a comment on Ally's blog saying what a love I have for you, even though we haven't met. It takes courage to share our struggles and that in turn releases others to feel they can be real and not hide their battles. I was only talking to friends yesterday of the - will I be in my zimmer frame saying "One more time around mount Sinai Lord". I will be praying but even as I post this comment, I can sense God's love for you, just tenderness, caring, his eyes upon you in care and total acceptance - he wants you to confide in him, everything. Oh but that overwhelming love Sharon. Hold on to that love. Hold on.

Andrea said...

I'll pray for peace for you...

Halfmoon Girl said...

Praying for you Sharon. I always appreciate your honesty. We all struggle in this. Hope it helps to know that you are not alone.

eph2810 said...

Yeah, we sometimes wander off the little path He has laid out for us and get 'to comfortable' with life this side of heaven. But you know what? It will make us realize (okay make me realize) that I am nothing without His Spirit and I can't do it without Him -- the change I mean.

Thank you so much for sharing your heart and being transparent, Sharon.

Be blessed today and always.