Sunday, October 21, 2007

He'll Be The Death Of Me Yet

Kind of a catchy title isn't it? Who is "He"? I'll tell you a little later.
This past week has been a full out rebellion for me. I haven't had one of those in a long time.
But, Honesty is always the best policy.
Confusion, emotional pain and anger had led me down this path.
Could it have been avoided? I think so.
In the body of Christ sometimes I think we pass a message that is not a good thing. In the guise of justing "giving it to the Lord" we sometimes give the impression that you should just roll over and "play" like you are dead. No need to speak of pain, no need to acknowledge frustration, and certainly you better not be angry about what is going on in your life.
And of course if you have ever read the book of Psalms--that is.... sooooooo..... not true.
If you keep stuffing it and not placing it before the throne--you will start to stink.
And thus last week............... I stunketh.
God has been gently calling me. Reminding me that the road He has me on "it's a good thing".
I have felt a little like Elijah running from Jezebel. Out in the dessert wishing I could just die. Not literally of course.
This morning at church was good for my heart.
Before it started- I could tell something was bothering my pastor. His face was not a happy one. Last weeks service was a rough one and it had really bothered him. I don't know if he was wondering if we would be doing battle again or if he was just weighted down with some stuff that had been going on in our body.
He started the service and he welcomed the presence of the Spirit and he rebuked any forces that were present that would try and stop the move of God. As soon as he stopped praying the atmosphere in the room changed. Something broke. The weight lifted. No one could really speak. Our God was present. People began crying.
A major event took place that I can not go into--but God won.
The men gathered at the altar. They laid hands on each other and prayed and cried. It did my heart good. For years we have been praying for the men in our church to rise up. For God to place a fire in their hearts. They are now meeting on Tuesday nights.
I hear their study time is pretty powerful.
There is a move of God amongst our men!
The rest of the service this morning was good. But I had been touched before we even got to it.
I miss the presence of the Lord. I miss being able to go boldly before the throne without shame.
I miss feeling pure and holy. When we harbor sin in our hearts--He does not hear us.
I was, DUH!, harboring this week.
Have situations changed in my life?
Nope.
Is the pain still there?
Yes.
Is the lack of understanding still there?
Yes.
And am I still angry?
No. I was wrong. Remember we are told to be angry and sin not? In my anger at situations- I began to harbor bitterness. That is what happens when anger is not exposed to God.
We put a cap on it and it rots.
So I give up. I gave up my anger and frustration. I exchanged those stinking things for
the presence of my God.
Having listened to my Savior, I crawl back into my coffin. My pastor says, You can't hurt a dead person and you can't anger a dead person.
So today I again become one of the walking dead. :)

I will continue with my God--and yes, one day....He'll be the final death of me yet.
Care to join me?
Let's join Paul and die daily.

8 comments:

Karen said...

It has been intense for you by the sounds of things there. Man. I love the way your Church functions and your Pastor's heart. Yours is the 3rd blog today mentioning Elijah running from Jezebel - there's a message here I think! My friend Claire did a post and so did Karen at Surviving Motherhood, you may want a peak. Do let me know if there's anything you'd like me to pray about for you Sharon. I'm hoping we can have that phone call together next week for a chat.

Denise said...

I am here to pray for you anytime, just let me know your requests my dear friend. I love you.

Andrea said...

Wow. Sounds like a very powerful service..

Mary said...

Very POWERFUL!!! Thanks for sharing.

Have a great week.
Mary

Deborah said...

I pray for you my dear dolla, my heart was so sore just reading your blog. Remember the God in us the hope of Glory! love always me

Sandi said...

You spoke what I've been battling. Thank You. I've been told to just give it over to God. Let Go Let God. That doesn't take the pain away. You blog did my heart good today.

Nicki said...

I could tell you have not been yourself this week. We all go through spells like this and praise the Lord for victory over these battles! I'm so glad the Lord gave you some soul medicine at church yesterday!! Praying for you today!!

Dee said...

I hear you -- I give it over to the Lord and then take it back again, over and over. Thankfully He hasn't given up on me. D